#WednesdayWisdom or total BS – you decide.

Just recently, I had a “friend” tell me that I owe them a lot. SO much so that I probably would not be alive if it was not for them. OK, I am exaggerating, but they basically made me sound like I had no idea how to breath before I met them.

Now, you should understand that I am very appreciate of the things others do for me (not that many), so when I hear I am not, I can get a little upset. Same when I hear that I should be appreciative for nothing in particular and that appreciation is just a 1 way street. It took me a couple of evenings filled with long walks deep in thought to analyze things and settle my soul.

Needless to say, our “friendship” is over, because they could not get off their high horse powered by delusion. I am at peace with that, because I have known for quite a while that this was not a mutually beneficial relationship. I was there for them. Selfless. Not taking, but giving. So when that was not enough, I hit my wall.

***

This post is turning out to be more negative than I thought, so I will just get right to the conclusion.

First of all, be sure to be your own person.* Take charge of your own life and do what you think is right. Try to rely on others as little as possible. Be the pilot of your own plane (life). Why? Because if you do, and you land safely after a great journey, you will be proud of yourself. You will have yourself to thank. I am realistic about myself and my life, so I know what I achieved on my own and what was influenced by other people and to what degree. But if you rely on others and have others fly and land your plane, you will not be able to congratulate yourself. You will be in the shadow of your pilot. You will have to thank them for safely getting you to your destination. Do you want that?

(*That has nothing to do with asking for help if you need it.)

Moreover, if you rely on others and your plane crashes and burns, you will be forever bitter and hold a grudge against the person that was piloting your plane. If you steer it and end up crashing and burning, well then at least you will get to say that you tried. We tend to forgive ourselves faster than others, so chances are you will get over the failure faster and you will get back to soaring high in no time.

Second of, do not force any kind of relationship. If it does not feel right at any point in time, give it one more try. However, if the “not so right” moments appear again, you might want to reconsider artificially prolonging the life of your relationship. Whatever it might be.

In my situation, I was being supportive. But I was not selfless. I was temporarily bored, so I decided to entertain them. It was a mistake. Now they became dependent on me and are trying to make me feel like I am the one that needs them.

***

I hope you were able to find some wisdom in all that rambling.

Have you had any rocky parts in any of your relationships recently?

Stay golden,

Signature.

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32 thoughts on “#WednesdayWisdom or total BS – you decide.

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  1. Your friends say you owe them ? They forgot that one day you can help them somehow 😉 .In life you never can walk alone,when you fall you need someone’s hand to get up so they must reconsider every time they say to you “you owe us”, because you never gonna know who can help you tomorrow 🙂 .

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’m a bit older than most, so I have the benefit of looking over a few more years than you do. Here’s what I’ve discovered:

    Yes you have to be in charge of your life, and to reach important Personal goals, you must pilot the plane yourself. But to reach the BIGGEST goals and have the most significance in this life, you MUST rely on others. A goal that can be reached without relying on others is not going to be very big. You have certain talents, abilities, interests, and perspectives. You fill in the gaps you have with the people you involve in your big goals, and you may be a part of someone else’s mission. You have people relying on you to reach their goals. When it’s Your goals you’re after, you lead. You set the direction and determine the path, you give them the chance to buy into your destination and then you all go together–contributing your unique assets to reach a big hairy audacious goal.

    That being said, there are people in the world that like to be appreciated for showing up. Read Dr. Perry’s articles about Narcissism. Run AWAY! Their entire purpose in life is to be appreciated and lauded for contributions, real and imagined, that they make to others. They don’t actually accomplish anything of importance on their own. You will be able to pick those out of the crowd eventually so you can avoid them before they become enmeshed in your life. They will take credit for others’ successes, spending a great part of their conversations in braggadocious claims of importance. The key questions to ask are, “What have you done lately? What have people helped you accomplish?” BAM! You have your answer.

    I guess what I’m saying is that much as you’d like to be the pilot of your own plane, it’s better if you’re flying Air Force 1 with a co-pilot, a navigator, a set of stewards, a cook and a mechanic. Bigger plane, more important cargo, vital destination.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. What an insightful comment. Thank you. I totally agree. In the end, we cannot make it totally alone. Absolutely.

      Yes, I read Dr. Perry’s stuff regularly, and I recognized that trait in said “friend”. The thing is, I knew right off the bat that they weren’t the friend I was looking for, but due to the fact that we worked together, I decided to give them a chance. My life was easier faking it, even if I did everything for them that I would do for a real friend.

      Great questions! I will keep them in mind. The thing is that those people tend to say they got everything on their own, but then, once you get to know more, you see that they keep getting by on other people’s backs.

      Like

  3. It’s been a long time since I had such a misunderstand which resulted in ending a friendship.
    The last one ended because of finances. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t always wanted to pay when we’d go for a drink or dinner.
    I was the one with a well paid job.
    I was also the one waking up at 6:00 while she’d pretend to search for a job by 11:30.

    Friendship nowadays doesn’t mean more to me than just hanging out and talk via whatsapp.
    I’ll never ask a friend for help. Not even a “what would you do in this situation”. I don’t need their opinions either.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, finances. I know what you mean.

      See, that’s the thing – the couple of friends that I have don’t ask me for help, and I don’t ask them. We’re there for each other, but we like accomplishing things on our own.

      Like

  4. That’s good for you, you can survive without them. A friend should not make me you feel like you owe them your life. If you don’t even owe your parent for your life, everything we owe to the Man upstairs

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s very sad when a friend shows they’re merely a shadow of the person you thought they were.
    It’s even sadder when they make you a shadow of who you are. I’m glad you got out of a toxic relationship relatively unscathed and with an awareness of destructive characteristics to watch for. No lesson is worthless!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. So much wisdom at the right time for me .. as I’m just seeing a lot of this in a “friend” I’ve done so much for. The comparison with the pilot and plane is great! And I’m just about to take over and making sure it’s me that’s flying the plane in the direction that I can be proud of 😇💪✈Thanks for sharing this.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That means a lot. Knowing you’ve been away from blogging, yet you were still able to read it and that it resonated with you.

      I wish you clear skies and tailwinds on your plane ride.

      Like

  7. This is something I have a have wrapping my mind around. I don’t think that people should “owe” other people unless there is some kind of prearranged (verbal or written) agreement.
    Good deeds should be done out of kindness and love and not with the expectation of being paid back by that person. I am a big believer in “pay it forward” and if anyone ever says to me “I owe you one” or “I will pay you back” I always reply “pay it forward. When you are able to do good for another person – just do it with out expecting anything in return.” If everyone practiced this the world would be a better place.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is basically what I just said in reply to another person’s comment. That’s how I do it. I don’t do things so other people can “owe” me. I just do it because I want to. Why would you even call it a friendship? It would be a business agreement. It would be like a loan from a bank. It always hangs above you and you have to pay it back.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Excellent post, Ive never had anyone say those things to me but I have distanced myself from people who are negative, that drain on my energy is not worth it. And I’m very clear about expectations….Susan Scott said “Show up as yourself consistently”, if we can all do that then everyone will know exactly what to expect and how we all fit together. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

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Darlene Foster's Blog

dreamer of dreams, teller of tales

Emotion Doodles

Children's book illustrator & writer

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