The following is just meant to illustrate facts, which inspired my today’s post. Nothing else.
1. Co-worker A complained about me to co-worker B.
2. Co-worker B seems to be out to get me.
3. Co-worker A and I are not fans of co-worker B.
4. Co-worker A has plenty of enemies (including co-worker B), but I have been nothing but friendly, trying to make their lives easier.
Typical office drama, which I usually do not care about, but this time around I felt betrayed. How wise is it to back-stab your only ally?
To me, it was the final straw. Previously, I was getting slightly annoyed with co-worker A, and was beginning to see why others did not like them, but I decided to remain supportive. Why? I do not like it when people are ganged up on. I wanted to show them some presumably needed support. And that was how they repaid me.
Right there and then I was done. They were dead to me. They were truly on their own. It was not very wise of them to do what they did. They were going to suffer the consequences.
***
That led me to think about second chances.
What makes you decide to give people a second chance?
How many second chances do you give?
When I think of second chances, I mainly think about all the romantic relationship stories I have heard, read about, and watched over the years. But second chances can also be given to lost family members. To friends. To co-workers.
It is often easy to judge. “He is just going to do that again.” “If I were him, I would not take her back.” “He is an addict; there is no hope for him.” “She was not meant to be a mother.” etc.
I will be the first to admit that sometimes I feel like it is survival of the fittest. I have to cut people off before they damage me more. For the most part, my instincts were right. Second chances were given to deserving people, and withheld from those who were not worthy.
But as I grow as a human, and as a Catholic, I like to try and open my heart a bit more sometimes. Who knows what my second chance will bring?
Ultimately, I have given co-worker A a second chance. I am still cautious. But I realized that I can protect myself, but at the same time, be a friend to a person in need. Even if they might not appreciate it.
However, I would like you to know that if you have someone in your life who has been given too many second chances, and you just do not have any more in you, it is up to YOU to let them go. Do not blame YOUR lack of happiness on them. It is YOUR choice to walk away. It is up to YOU to free yourself and give YOURSELF a second chance.
Stay golden,
***
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One day at a time... 
That’s a really great post! The first thing which came to my mind is that we cannot save the whole world. The second thing was that I always believed we have just one chance. But it’s not true. We learn from our mistakes. We grow up. We’re different. I believe we can give second chance to deserving people only if they prove the real understanding of what happened and are ready for change. In any other case it’s a loss of time and energy.
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I grew up thinking I would not be the one to give second (or even third) chances. But then, like you said, I realized that things can change. It’s like the saying about not entering the same river twice. But the thing is that no river is the same twice.
I totally agree with your guidelines. You don’t want to be taken advantage of.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
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If no river is the same twice, then how does it happen people make same mistakes when given second or third chance?
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What a great question.
There is a multitude of potential answers.
Of course, some do it because they want to take the fast lane and abuse others.
There are some, who are just… not so smart, and fall into a hole in the road before realizing it’s there.
And then there are some, who adjust a couple of factors and think that NOW things will be different. Such people really think they’re trying.
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Are they any circunstances you would never give a second chance?
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I think the action would have to be very malevolent. Inexcusable.
I don’t think I’ve ever not given a first second chance.
However, I noticed that when I’m looking for an excuse to get rid of someone, 1 transgression and they might be out.
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This is a great post! Very relevant as well.
Being friends with coworkers is really weird for me. I only have a couple and usually outside of my immediate team.
Usually, with my immediate team, I talk about work, am cordial with them and support and assist when needed.
Basically, keep it professional so it doesn’t get awkward if something doesn’t go right with work stuff, that way they still respect me and I still respect them if there is a disagreement, does that make sense?
I wholeheartedly agree with your last paragraph. Your happiness is your responsibility and choice. With second chances, it is really difficult for me, I only give one second chance in terms of trust, but if other things I can usually let it go.
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You are onto something regarding the “immediate team” vs. “outside”. While it’s nice to have good relations with people you work with every day, you have to keep in mind that if things go wrong, not everyone has the ability to remain professional. I should know.
It makes sense alright. I’m mostly the same.
Your last paragraph made me think a bit regarding what makes me decide whom I give another chance. I finally realized why I really gave co-worker A a second chance – because it doesn’t really cost me anything. It might be selfish a bit. But isn’t it easier to forgive/ give someone another chance whom you’re not too close to?
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Yes, always had some clear boundaries at work. For me it helps to keep things compartmentalized in my head =)
Regarding second chances, it IS easier to forgive people you don’t know very well as it could be a misunderstanding. But, if someone has betrayed my trust and knowingly throw me under the bus, that is the only chance they get. They are on their own pretty much after that! I know, i know, so much for second chances. lol!
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It’s interesting to read these comments, because I expected everyone to say: “We all deserve second chances”, “Forgive and forget”, “It was nothing. What are you even talking about”. And I see that’s not the case.
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I like how honest the comments were too. Seems like only a handful of people have the “forgive and forget” mentality. For me it would be “Forgive but don’t forget”:)
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Same.
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Being on the receiving end of multiple second chances I’d sure am grateful but as you said it’s important to gauge if that person is deserving. I’m especially wary of manipulative people, while not always evil, dealing with people like that we need to know if we’re adapted for potential mind games or whether or not we care for that stuff at all.
Have you bounced back from the drama?
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Yes, indeed. There needs to be a real reason as to why we give those second chances.
I’ve been over it. I don’t need that in my life.
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I am awfully patient and forgiving. I submit myself to a considerable amount of suffering with my second chances. Being a parent sort of submits you to giving near infinite chances until it’s done right!
It’s hard to judge sometimes, but I just expect growth. I don’t go for do-overs. I believe in accepting consequences and striving to do better the next time. When I’m done giving chances because I can only believe a person is set in their ways, I make such clear to them and draw the hard line. Almost every time, they cross it anyway and I disappear without another word.
Sometimes, I draw the line, it is respected, and we all walk away better for being respectful and understanding. Growth makes all the difference. I heard someone quote something to the point that couples inevitably run into trouble as soon as one partner stops striving for growth. There may be a lot of truth to that with regard to second chances in any relationship.
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Wise thoughts. Growth and striving to do better are definitely the key components for me as well.
I wouldn’t disagree with that quote of someone’s.
Thanks for sharing your insightful perspective.
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At work, one has to be the bigger person. It’s sure not going to them, so I guess I have to sacrifice.
In my personsl life, I am less forgiving.
Unless they apologize and give me a damn good reason, they are “dead to me”.
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That is also something I realized while I was thinking about it yesterday – that it’s easier to “let go” of it when it comes to someone who doesn’t matter to you as much (like a co-worker). Personal issues aren’t as easy.
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I’m a very forgiving person and this is one weakness people use to their advantage. Because of the values I was taught as a child, I try to see the best in everyone. Even when they hurt me over and over again, I do my best to forgive them, but like you, I would be cautious of them henceforth.
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It is a wonderful quality to have. I wish we could all be like that, and no one would consciously abuse that.
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Well done you – in a similar situation I’m not sure I would forgive.
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Thank you.
It’s rather unlike me to do such, so let us see what happens next.
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It’s all on you Goldie. It’s all up to you. It’s a hard decision at times. Then again, would you want a second chance? Don’t be gullible, but don’t carry other people’s luggage at the same time.
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I like the “luggage” remark.
Wise words.
It is on US, not them.
Thank you.
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Good call Goldie.
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