Ghosting is a virus. It spreads.

Earlier in the week my partner and I were talking about something I do not even remember at this point in time, but in the midst of the conversation I was asked:

“What is ghosting?”

At first, I thought it was a joke, but it turned out to be a serious question, and so an explanation was necessary.

“Ghosting is when one person virtually disappears. They stop texting, calling, etc. Just out of the blue. With no explanation. No “Good-bye forever”. It is like breaking up without having “the talk”.”

“Ooooh, I get it. So if they vanish, then they are a ghost. “

Even though I do not remember the exact words we both used, that was the gist of it. As you can tell – Tinder lingo is not something we speak fluently, but I was proud of myself for knowing what the phrase “ghosting someone” means.

Funnily enough, just a couple of days later, I saw the word “ghosting” in a news headline. However, you will be surprised that this time around, the word was not used to describe a dating incident. It was used to describe someone skipping out on work. Disappearing. Not saying “Good-bye forever”.

At the place where I am employed, I have heard potential candidates admit to interviewing with too many places to remember which position involved what. Even though hedging your bets and applying wherever you can is a common practice, I believed it to be a taboo topic of sorts. It seems like the applicants get bolder. It can potentially be a negotiation technique (Can you pay me more, because otherwise I might have to take that other job?), but not in the earliest of stages.

The job market looks pretty interesting – with lowest unemployment rate in almost 50 years, there are more job openings than actual interested people to fill them. See, this is why we cannot have nice things – we have so many opportunities, and instead of taking them gracefully, we decide to act like a bunch of kids and GHOST employers whenever we feel like it. Absolutely irresponsible and cowardly.

I believe I mentioned this in one of my previous posts – there are companies in Japan that will quit people’s jobs for them. It their culture working for the same company for most/ all of your life is expected, you have to give a lengthy notice (which gives them a chance to get back at you), and buy everyone gifts before you leave. In the US, quitting is not as hard. You simply tell your boss you will not be working there in two weeks. That is usually the universal length of the notice. Of course, you can just quit on the spot, but that might not be a good idea if you will need references for your future jobs.

Apparently, there has been an increased number of employees ghosting their employers. In that sense, a worker just stops showing up for work one day, cannot be contacted, and never returns. For all we know, maybe there is a serial killer on the loose, and these poor people are dead, and falsely accused of ghosting.

Because there are so many places that are hiring, people do not really care about how they end things with their previous employer. To me, it sounds like yet another step towards the destruction of our culture. Do people not have any decency anymore? “Applicants blow off interviews. New hires turn into no-shows. Workers leave one evening and never return.”

In China, where ghosting has been popular for much longer, an executive from one of the talent acquisition firm suggests offering two positions just in case one person ghosts. Is that the new standard? Imagine being hired, going through all the happiness, only to find out that the other person did NOT ghost, so you are not needed. Imagine being the backup. Or are companies going to hire doubles and pay both? I think we all know the answer to this question.

Doing research for this post, I discovered that about half of men and women have experience with ghosting, and nearly as much have done the ghosting. (See charts below)

image

Why do people ghost when it comes to dating? It has a lot to do with their inability to handle their emotions, and their disregard for others. Since a lot of relationships are virtual nowadays for a long time before (if) they turn into an actual relationship, it is easier for people to not get attached, and therefore not have any qualms about ghosting.

Would you believe that Tylenol might ease your emotional pain when you get ghosted? Social rejection activates the same brain pathways as physical pain.

***

Do you have experience with ghosting?

Have you ghosted someone?

Have you been ghosted?

Would you ever leave your job without saying “Good-bye”?

If your employee ghosted, what would you do?

Do you think people who ghost should be put on some blacklist?

How do you feel about ghosting? (In the dating and working world)

Stay golden,

signature5c0482f66325e1

***

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32 thoughts on “Ghosting is a virus. It spreads.

Add yours

  1. Although I have not seen this on a personal level I have seen ghosting professionally… on interviews and with new-hires and employees. I didn’t know the term but this is it and it makes a great deal of sense. Great post Goldie.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great topic!

    Work related I have to disagree with you. Everyone told that with my education and my general serious professional approach I should never be worried for job. But once again it took 4 months to be hired. I like keeping my options open and not bet on one horse.
    Managers and HR are cruel and cannot have respect to them in the first stage of applying.

    I used to spend a lot of time on tinder. I have been ghosted. I have also ghosted myself. It’s unfair but I had my reasons. Fear, most of the time.

    I’m ghosting now too. I left without saying goodbye to my friends in holland. I never gave them my new phone number nor email.
    I needed a clean slate but was afraid to tell them that.
    Quite a confession, right?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand that employers don’t really care about you, so why care about them. It’s something I now understand, but still have a hard time implementing. I do care less, but I still work within the old-school rules (i.e. 2 week notice, etc).

      When it comes to virtual relationships (I have no experience), I see how easy it can be – people talk with a million different people. Things change by the hour… Seems weird to me. I could not find myself in that world.

      I’m completely with you on the ghosting of people you leave behind. I’ve done that a time or two myself. But I don’t see it as a bad thing. I couldn’t get away from them fast enough, and they didn’t try hard, either.

      I forgive you, my child. Go in peace.

      Like

      1. I can see contracts are different in the US.
        In my current contract, I have a 2 months notice period and the company has a 4 month notice period.

        So I will have to stick to that, no matter what. But as for applying of jobs, I have less respect. If they take one month to answer me and I have found something in between, they won’t hear from me.

        Ghosting is sometimes the only way to make a message clear.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m shocked to see that they have 4 months. It sounds great. It gives you time to look for something else. Unlike here, when you come in to work and you find out you need to go home.

          Like

  3. Do you have experience with ghosting? I’ve never broken up with a girlfriend, ever…

    Have you ghosted someone? Yes

    Have you been ghosted? I’m not sure, is receiving a fake phone number considered ghosting?

    Would you ever leave your job without saying “Good-bye”? Nope

    If your employee ghosted, what would you do? Their work myself until it was filled with another employee.

    Do you think people who ghost should be put on some blacklist? I guess it all depends on the situation and the individual.

    How do you feel about ghosting? (In the dating and working world) sometimes you just gotta get away.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. RIGHT? People are so full of themselves that they do not care. It’s interesting, because I’m usually the type that doesn’t care what others thing, because I’m mostly self-sufficient. I’ve been told in my life to not burn bridges, because I might need them one day. I have to say that I rarely used them, but to me, it’s pointless to burn them if they don’t deserve to be burned.

      Like

  4. Never dated so…..
    I have a friend that ghosted once. I was sooooo sad, she heard about it and she let me know that she was ok back then. Almost a year later she came back among the WP community. 😊

    I hate ghosting and those who ghost ☹️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment made me think. One time, I was busy and forgot to reply to someone “right away”, and then they got angry with me for not texting them right away, which in the end led them to spam me with mean, angry texts. After that, I tried responding, but was met with more BS, so I stopped responding. Some people have a hard time taking rejection, so maybe that’s why people ghost – to not have to deal with the other people’s feelings.

      Like

  5. I would never ghost an employer! I walked off a job once when I was treated badly, but I had every intention of submitting a resignation letter ~ they fired me first however.

    In dating, it’s normal to disappear after a chat and before a meeting ~ no one wants to hear why you find them objectionable. If you tell a man why you have found some things that don’t match, he’ll pester you until the end of time about why you’re wrong.

    After meeting it’s a different thing. It depends on the situation and the vibe. Women have to feel safe. Sometimes it’s safer to disappear than to reject outright.

    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yes, I have been ghosted … by a husband of 29 years. Poof! Gone! If it’s ever a slow news day, read about ‘ghosting’ in long term marriages. You talk a surreal happening. It really messes with your mind. One day everything’s normal. Next day… gone … no explanation … never heard from again.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s those darn aliens, I tell ya! I have written thousands of essays over the last 8 years, sort of as a way of therapizing myself. [No insurance to see a real counselor]. Now I am using all my pain for something enjoyable—writing humor about it. But my heart bleeds for people who are just experiencing it. I want to grab them all and hug them, every one.

        Liked by 1 person

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Darlene Foster's Blog

dreamer of dreams, teller of tales

Emotion Doodles

Children's book illustrator & writer

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