#TuesdayThoughts

The moment I entered my workplace today, I was hit with an idea for this post. I was thinking. THINKING! Before 11am!

Anyway…

What I was pondering was communication. This is such a vast topic, but today I would like to talk about the lack of communication.

Growing up, I was encouraged to have independent thoughts and to debate, which in turn let me to … You guessed it! – COMMUNICATING. I figured that violence was not always the answer (although tempting), and so I would engage in discussions. Not everyone liked it, because not everyone could keep up with it. Once people realized that their smarts were being questioned and they could not defend their faults, they would walk away. However, I was fine with that. Always on a hunt for someone whom I could talk to. REALLY talk to.

Aside from getting offended because of their faulty (or there lack of) logic, people started getting offended by truth, somewhere along the way. And I went from being very open and honest to closed off, or vague. There were too many people ready to hate you at the drop of a hat for me to try and engage in a meaningful conversation. While this never mattered to me in my personal life, it did weigh on my work life decisions. Being politically correct became very important, while causing a mental health crisis was something I had to avoid.

Although, I have been coming into my own again this past year.

But let us get back on track. Today, I thought about the recent break in our human communication. I witnessed a very passive aggressive act, which could have been avoided if both parties could talk it out. The reason why I think those two are unable to work things out is because they are unable to have an honest conversation. Someone might be afraid of offending the other person. Someone might be worried about stepping on someone’s toes and potentially getting into trouble. Someone might be unable to take the emotions out of the equation for a moment.

But is being passive-aggressive better? Does it hurt less than potential words? Does it not create unnecessary toxicity?

What do you think is the reason for the lack of open communication between people?

Do you communicate openly and efficiently?

What makes you close the talking channel and become passive-aggresive?

Stay golden,

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26 thoughts on “#TuesdayThoughts

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  1. This is a big topic! I’m not that open, but neither am I passive aggressive or dishonest. Often I just keep quiet, especially about politics and such. It’s simply inappropriate to discuss politics and other hot button topics at work (imo), so when people make jokes or comments, I usually say nothing. I’m also finding that my friends are getting so touchy it’s best to avoid hot button topics with them as well and stick to food and pets and board games. It’s just not fun to listen to people get all riled up over the same old crap. Sometimes I do wish I had someone to talk to! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. As you know from the post, I can relate to what you said in your comment.
      My question is: “Why are some people alright to talk, while others are not?” Why are so many people silent while certain groups seem louder than ever. Why do we keep quiet, while they don’t consider tact at all? And hot button topics – you cleverly observed they get touchy and you avoid such topics. Why don’t your friends observe that you are quiet, that they are too easily offended, etc?
      Feel free to talk to ME.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Being passive-aggressive could potentially be better or it could also be worse, it truly depends on the individuals. It could be better in the sense that the parties involved get to avoid a huge potentially physical blow out or it could be worse in that being passive-aggressive tends to breed malice.

    The lack of open communication between people I think boils down to sensitivity. It’s so easy for us to get our feelings hurt. So in order to avoid hurting people we just don’t say anything. I, for one, am very sensitive so to that end I like to keep others’ feelings in mind. I usually try to outweigh the potential outcome before saying anything. If my “communication” won’t help a certain situation then I let it go. No harm, no foul.

    What was the other question again – Oh, do I communicate openly and efficiently? Yes, I believe I do. The lawyer in me is very literal with everything. Like it annoys me when people aren’t literal or “round off” what they are trying to say. I don’t want to guess what you mean or figure it out. Don’t say 4 or 5; which is it? 4 or 5? It has to be one or the other. For me it boils down to being very plain and simple.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for such a detailed reply. Those are a great gift.

      I have to admit that I was a bit surprised reading that being passive-aggressive can be good (or better), but I do see your point. In the short run it avoids unnecessary blow outs and tensions. However, do you not think those will fester and the long-term effects will be more destructive?

      I hear people talk about sensitivity the way you do quite a bit, and it blows my mind. But you hit the nail on the head – it might be based on what kind of people we are. I don’t get easily offended, so I assume others can take some heat, too. More often than not they prove more sensitive… And I understand that. I try to be more sensitive, but what makes it more difficult for me is … foresight. No, I cannot see the future, but I often see how saying something MIGHT help someone in the future and help us understand each other better. Too often the other person doesn’t see it that way. And that’s great, but I still wish they were able to “take it”.

      Being plain and simple is also something I like. Most people around me say 4, or 5, because for them time is fluid. I am VERY punctual, and me being a minute late causes me to apologize profusely. For them, 4 or 5, means 5.15 is OK, and no apology is needed. Insane.

      Like

  3. Q. But is being passive-aggressive better?

    A. Passive aggressive is as toxic as aggressive. It’s a lazy and incompetent and ignorant way to miscommunicate.

    Q. Does it hurt less than potential words?

    A. Passive aggressive communication creates malice and distrust. It’s quite condescending and fails to build the team up. It shows a genuine lack of trust and respect.

    Q. Does it not create unnecessary toxicity?

    A. It encourages toxicity and removes comradarie.

    Q. What do you think is the reason for the lack of open communication between people?

    A. People are genuinely afraid to be who they are and talk the way they talk. Real life repercussions have happened and people simply don’t communicate out of fear.

    Q. Do you communicate openly and efficiently?

    A. I hope so, I’m usually straight forward, yet, I do it with charm. So, I’m direct, but I always say please and thank you and acknowledge the hard work they do.

    Q. What makes you close the talking channel and become passive-aggresive?

    A. If I get the feeling that “this ain’t gonna work out”. I usually start all over again and apologize for not following along (a reset button per say). I also thank them for “breaking it down for me, so I can understand that little bit clearer. They see that I am genuinely interested, so maybe they give me another shot and I open direct and straight to the heart of the matter dialogue.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for answering my questions is such an organized manner.

      Your answers to 5 of the 6 questions mirror my thoughts exactly. We cannot deny humans are emotional beasts, and I’m not trying to eradicate those, but if we only learned how to really communicate, we could ALL be happier. And yes, I do think that your mental health would improve. I think all of this coddling just makes it worse.

      As for answer no. 6 – you’re a better person for it. I’m unable to apologize for something I don’t feel apologetic.

      Liked by 1 person

        1. No, I get that. It’s just I don’t do apologies which aren’t heartfelt and they have to be for something I actually did wrong. I can’t fake it. My throat clamps up and won’t allow it. OR I make that fake apology so sarcastic that the other party hates me even more.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. Some people are difficult to talk with (among which someone I know) i do my best not to over react and be aggressive . Sometimes it works but sometimes i can’t hide my anger any longer so…. I prefer to be assertive when I can manage it

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh such an involved topic. “Do I prefer to talk openly ?”, almost always. “What gets my goat?” when people make contradicting statements and feel sensitive when I point it out. While I understand that complete honesty at workplace (like answering the question “does this dress look good on me?” kind) is not advisable but when it comes to important life changing issues, I do wish people value clarity against sensitivity. If a friend looks unwell to me I would straightaway ask her if everything is alright with her, rather than gossip about how sick she looks. That a doctor has to give the correct diagnosis to a patient irrespective of affecting a patient’s emotions, I guess is an accepted fact. If my friends like coffee and I want to avoid it and if that affects my friend’s sensitivity, I don’t really have a cure for it. Characters and friendships become stronger when facts are not denied and issues are addressed with honesty.

    I have a friend who keeps interrupting me when I am talking to another friend, unless I am honest and point it out, my irritation may turn to passive aggression which may lead me to lose my friend, so I would rather point out the problem. When friends decide to go out for a movie but change their mind at the last moment and instead drag me to a pizza parlor (…and hey, I am trying to lose weight), however precious my friends are, I have 2 voice my disagreement. and if a friend asks me to wait for an hour for her, only to cancel the meeting at the last moment, I would surely try to point it out to her. Ohhhh…., see now I have gone two para and there is no end in sight lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When I open a notification and see such a wall of text as a comment to what I wrote, my heart rejoices.

      I thought your comparison to doctors giving diagnosis was a genius one. I never thought of it that way. But you are right – there are people who say it how it is, and we have to be able to handle things. Now, of course there are people who yell and curse at the doctor, and sometimes security needs to be called in, but the majority of the time the doctor says what needs to be said and then they walk away. I wish it was that simple when it comes to other interactions. No, I do not mean “Yes, you look good in that dress”, but if 2 people are working closely together and they grind each other’s gears, which sabotages their work, something should be done about it. That’s exactly how I feel – real friendship is not built on a lie. Real conversations can strengthen a bond. And if they don’t, then they weren’t strong enough to begin with.

      Your examples are great, and I wholeheartedly agree. Although, I know not everyone does. Why must life be so complicated?

      Has anyone ever asked you why you are so “mean”?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for your response, well people do ask “what do you mean” if that makes you happy, lol. If you mean “average” by mean, then no, no one has ever asked THAT. Usually my friends want me to be aggressive and usually I deny them that pleasure.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. All I can think is…. “You can’t HANDLE the truth!!” I think it stems from how we handle failure. There are so many wrong ways people deal with their failure instead of embracing it. Run from it, ignore it, blame everyone else, whine about it… it’s just uncannily hard for some people to say, “I was wrong. I will accept it and be/do better in the future.” To be honest, I think there’s a strong tie between accepting failure and overall life satisfaction.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are SO right. There definitely is a correlation. I never thought of it that way, but now that you mentioned it… totally! Mind blown.

      And with the current culture of “everyone is a winner”, “no one loses”, participation trophies, etc., it makes sense that the communication and lack of acceptance when it comes to failure goes downhill.

      How can we fix that?

      Like

      1. Ownership. I heard some serial entrepreneur give a talk about his business incubator, and he claims that the number one difference between a business (or idea) that takes off and one that flounders, is whether the people in the lead have ownership, investment, a stake in it. Maybe failures are more clearly just bumps in the road if you’ve committed your own resources to a bigger objective that remains achievable through the rough patches.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I fully believe in what that entrepreneur said. That’s why I can get upset at work – because people don’t care about the business they work at. No ownership precisely. Their job is sub-par because the product is not “theirs”.

          Like

  7. I also have problems communicating with people. People say I’m a silent person but the truth is I just don’t want to talk about other people or movie stars or any topic that don’t elevate my mental capacity. I have very few friends who can really understand me. I can get along with people if I really try but it takes a lot of effort.

    Liked by 1 person

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