NROP: Selfishness; When is it about us, and when should we consider others?

Road rage is something I am currently working on. Some days are better. Some not so much. Just the other day I was discussing other drivers with a friend.

“Why do people drive like this?” – I asked.

“Because they’re not in a hurry” – my friend answered.

Not in a hurry.

Is that a good enough answer? It surely was not for me. In fact, it started a more in-depth debate. One about selfishness and the lack of consideration.

Last week, the moment I left work, I was gridlocked. There clearly were some accidents/ road closures going on, because the traffic was incredible. There was more stepping on the breaks than letting them go. I knew there was nothing I could do (aside from calling my private helicopter and ditching my car), so I remained calm. However, once I got closer to the bottle neck, I realized that my fellow drivers were not helping the traffic. And the cops that were there to direct traffic in order to loosen things up were doing an absolutely appalling job. But, what can you do, right?

So I knew I was close to getting out of the problem area, but there maybe was 1 car in my lane per green light that was allowed to drive past it. Absolutely ridiculous. I mustered up all that patience, and was able to drive through that light without any altercations. However, the moment I passed that light, I had to stop again (another light). It turned out that the trunk of my car was blocking a pedestrian crossing. I pulled up front as much as I could, but the car in front of me decided to leave enough space for half a car between him and the car in front of him. I honked gently, and motioned them to move up ahead a little.

“No one is going anywhere” – said a pedestrian.

“I know. I was just trying to make space for you to pass” – I answered.

“Oh” – answered the pedestrian slightly shocked.

“That’s alright. Thank you for being considerate” – he added, realizing that I was not a hot-head.

Considerate. That is someone I strive to be.

Considerate. Are you?

(Needless to say, the person in the car in front of me did not move until the light turned green.)

Anyway. Back to my conversation with a friend.

I understand not everyone is in a hurry. Although, if you are on the street during rush hour, and you are not in a rush, maybe you should consider not rushing during different hours next time? But in all seriousness, I know that there are people who are not comfortable with driving, or who have health issues, or just received bad news. I UNDERSTAND all of it. My only request – be more considerate.

There are times when I cruise, enjoying the trip without the need to hurry. But when I do, I do not take up the left lane and drive 20 mph under the speed limit. Instead, I get onto the right lane. When the road is open, I am on the right lane, the lights are changing to red, and I see a car behind me signaling that he is turning red, I move to the left lane. That way, he gets a chance to turn right on red without waiting for me to get a green. Consideration. When I do not feel like driving fast, yet I am still going faster than the right lane and there is someone getting too close to me, I change to the right lane for a moment, let the other person pass, and then get back to the left.

Consideration. I might not be in a hurry, but someone else might. Maybe someone’s driving to the hospital to see their newborn baby. Or trying to make it to say “Goodbye” to their loved one. We are not the only people on the road.

“But this is supposed to be a NROP” – you say.

“It is. I am getting there” – I assure you.

This post was inspired by a suicide.

OK, before I go any further, allow me to explain that I am saddened by the act. I feel for the family. It horrifies me to think how the person who committed that act felt before it happened. I am human. I have emotions. It is a grave matter. Literally.

However, it is a prime example of the lack of consideration we have for others.

On Saturday, a member of the Transportation Security Administration jumped from a balcony at one of Florida’s busiest airports. He did not survive.

That incident caused a lot of havoc, and so travelers rushed check points in fear for their safety. Because of that, everyone had to go back and go through security again. I agree with security precautions, but this must have been terribly inconvenient. Just imagine waiting in those lines AGAIN. Being searched. AGAIN.

A single airline cancelled nearly 50 inbound flights, and almost as many outbound ones. It is speculated that several thousand travelers were affected (either delayed, rerouted, or cancelled).

Even though nothing else happened, security was on high alert, and it took a while before they were ready to get everything back in order.

The suicide affected workers and travelers. THOUSANDS of them. What if the travelers lost a day of their hard earned vacation? What if some of them were late to work, coming back from a vacation? What if some of them did not make it to their elderly family member on time?

It makes me wonder if he thought what that jump would cause. Did he think how his family would feel? Did he think how many unrelated people it would affect? And if he did, did it not matter to him? If so, why not?

It might make me sound insensitive, but I ask those questions to understand better. I ask, because it does not make sense to me.

If you are suicidal, I am deeply sorry. I hope you find a way out. I hope you get better. But if you choose to mess up so many bystanders’ lives because of it, you are just selfish.

Think of all the trauma the jump caused. How do you think the people that actually saw the body landing on the ground feel?

Thoughts?

Stories?

Experiences?

Stay golden,

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34 thoughts on “NROP: Selfishness; When is it about us, and when should we consider others?

Add yours

  1. This is a sensitive topic, one i believe will offend a lot of people.
    That said, i get your point, your need to understand. i sometimes wonder which point of desperation do a person need to reach before the person starts entertaining suicidal ideas.
    But suicide is the cause of mental illness, and ‘consideration’ was probably the fartherst thing in the guy’s mind at the time.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It most definitely is not an easy one.
      Thank you for not taking the easy way round and understanding me instead of getting offended.

      You make a very logical conclusion – maybe all bets are off once someone reaches that state.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I echo what Jina has written. When a person is at the point of suicide they have no thought of what their actions will mean to other people. It’s unfortunate that people are inconvenienced but this guy was ill and his illness was the cause of his actions.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I used to travel by train a lot.
    Way too often I would be delayed due to someone jumping in front of the train.
    It would always make me very annoyed.

    However, suicide is not simple.
    It looks like a “just do it”, but even just the moment before you are considering one billion things.
    A lot of people say suicide is selfish. IT IS NOT!

    I know it sounds bad, but why do only physically ill people get a prescribtion to kill themselves?
    You can’t decide whether you will be born or not. You should be at least have the right to decide when is your time to go.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Euthanasia is a whole other topic, so I won’t touch it.

      I guess I’m curious. I’ve never had the chance to speak to anyone who committed suicide (for obvious reasons) to find out what they thought/ didn’t think of. I sympathize with their pain. BUT, I think that if I was to do it, I would have done it somewhere away from others.

      Like

      1. Ha yeah, it would be hard to talk to someone who has committed suicide.

        It’s not something I describe in my blog often, if ever. But I have done a few attempts.
        Convenience of other will hard ever matter in this situation.

        When I drove my car every day, I always stayed on the left lane. Once you loose that spot, it’s hard to get in again.
        Maybe it’s an asshole thing to do, but also for this case, I choose my own convenience over that of someone else.
        (I did drive faster than the speed limit, but nothing insane. My car couldn’t even handle that 😅

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I appreciate your honesty. Both – regarding the suicide matter, as well as the driving. Even though I might not approve of it, I understand. And kudos to you for recognizing and standing by your personal convenience. Not many admit that.

          Like

          1. Yeah well, that’s a whole other topic.
            For too long I have only lived to please others, even if they didn’t deserve it.
            And what did it give me? Frustration.

            So I try to live more to put myself on the first place. Let’s see how that goes.

            Liked by 1 person

  4. oh Goldie I soooooooo agree with you. we’re always on the road and it is so rare to see considerating people around us ! Those who notice that we’re in a hurry either they don’t care or they can be mean just for the sake of being mean. it it soooo selfish of them. they can stop at an orange light. they can delay when the light becomes green too. they can go under the speed limit which is frustrating when we’re in a hurry. Dad is often stressed because of these mean people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for not disregarding 60% of my post and just focusing on the second part.

      Being mean to be mean is a special kind of evil. People in the fast lane going slow, but once you try to overtake them, they speed up to align with the car in the other lane and you get stuck… Stopping at a yellow light can be really dangerous. There might be someone behind you going fast and thinking you’re going to go through. You don’t – and both of your days are ruined, because they couldn’t break in time and they hit you. And then green lights are often missed because people are too busy texting. Absolutely ridiculous.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. When the fires were happening in BC and Alberta this summer, and the summer before, folks in my area (which was not burning) were upset about the smoke ruining the summer, my response was ‘check your self’, our houses and land weren’t burning, we weren’t in danger of losing our lives, livelihood or possessions.
    The people inconvenienced by someone with an illness that leads them to feel there is only one ‘cure’ are still better off right now than the person with the illness.
    Perhaps showing compassion rather than judgement is a way to demonstrate true consideration for others.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think that the smoke example is pretty different. People complain to complain. Venting is good sometimes and then we move on. Natural disasters cannot be considered in the real of considerate/ inconsiderate. But you give us a great reminder to appreciate what we have. To count our blessings.

      I agree that they are better off, but maybe the person committing suicide thought they were fools and that HE was better off. It’s all a matter of perception. If we compare ourselves in every single facet of our lives to others, we will be both – depressed and happy. Instead, we should focus on just being us. Compassion is great. But can’t there be both?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree that paying too much attention to what others do, say, have or how they choose to live isn’t a good way to exist and there will always be someone better off and someone doing worse. Compassion and consideration go nicely together, along with a healthy dash of humour. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  6. While I am a considerate driver I refuse to be in a hurry when I drive. I plan ahead and allow myself enough time to get where I am going. I do agree that most people are inconsiderate – only worried about themselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Time management is very important indeed. It surprises me how people who make the same commute every day are still late on a daily basis, and blame it on traffic. You know, if you left just 10 minutes earlier, you would have been on time. Safe driving!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I sometimes think that some people are more prone to suicide, not because of a mental instability, but some people like chicken nuggets, whereas others don’t.

    Meaning, we all process differently. I’m not attempting to justify anything. I do however believe that some will contemplate suicided, whereas other will never contemplate.

    Remember the “magic pictures”? Back in the late 1990s and early 2000s. A page of dots, some saw the picture, where others did not. It wasn’t due to a willingness or unwillingness, it’s just that we are all wired differently.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like your comparison/ explanation. (Even though I think a lot of people will be morbidly offended by it.) When I discuss this topic people seem to see me as insensitive. When I mention that I’ve had some fatalistic thoughts in the past, they say I wasn’t sad/ depressed/ whathaveyou “enough”. I think it’s a bit of a cop-out. I am grateful that I have not reached that point, but I do wonder…

      I firmly believe that the way we cope with everyday life is of utmost importance. Some people have better survival skills than others. I hope that’s the case, because that way we can all heal.

      Agreed.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I do not mean to offend anyone and this probably won’t make sense but as someone who has depression, I need to say something and get this off my chest. Also, before everyone comes at me for ‘overreacting’ and being ‘sensitive’, have a quick google and read the thousands of articles on this topic.

    Depression is an internal struggle. Let me just remind you that it is an illness. The line that you used ‘ But if you choose to mess up so many bystanders’ lives because of it, you are just selfish,’ could just easily tip someone over the edge. Some are trying to hard to fight it to think about others. You may call it ‘selfish’ but I disagree. Yes, I would consider it now but I’ve been there before and thinking about the relief of the pain being over, triumphs any other thoughts. There are so many thoughts flooding your mind and you just want everything to end. Why do so many people assume that people who feel suicidal or are suicidal don’t care about their loved ones? I love my sister so much and she is one of the only things still keeping me here. I suffer everyday but instead of ‘throwing my life away’ I’m still here, trying to protect. I AM FIGHTING BATTLES EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sometimes, the darkness covers your thoughts so that all you see is you damaging the lives around you and thinking that it would be SELFISH to remain alive.To suggest that someone who is depressed is ‘selfish’ is extremely insulting to everyone and anyone with a mental illness.

    Now I would like to leave you with this final quote:

    ‘Suicide is a decision made out of desperation, hopelessness, isolation and loneliness. The black hole that is clinical depression is all-consuming. Feeling like a burden to loved ones, feeling like there is no way out, feeling trapped and feeling isolated are all common among people who suffer from depression.’ – Katie Hurley, Child and Adolescent Physchotherapist and Author.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts and experiences on this. I know it cannot be easy.

      I’m sure your sister is happy to have you by her side.

      I understand what you were saying, but let me ask you this – Would you take your life in front of your sister? I’d think “no”, because you love her so much that you’d like to spare her the pain and trauma. Am I wrong?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You are correct on the sister point, however, I feel that labelling it ‘selfish’ is a bit far. Thank you for listening to my point of view.

        Liked by 1 person

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