HW: #TuesdayThoughts; We all need help.

The act of helping someone can be so simple, yet life-changing. For the one you help, and maybe even for you, too.

Just a couple of days ago, I read a post about knowing when to help. Or rather knowing when not to help. It was a great reminder for me to give people the space they need. Often times I offer my help without them asking. Why? Because I think they need help; because I want to save them some time; because I think I can teach them something; because I think I can do it better.

Have you ever tried to help, but were rejected? I know I have. And it hurts. After all, you are trying to HELP them. How ungrateful can they be? But the truth is that I know my help is not always needed. Sometimes people want to do something on their own so they can be proud of their achievement. They want to know they can do it without you holding their hand, or pushing them along, or micro-managing. Sometimes, they are simply tired of living in your shadow. They are tired of you always being better than them, and they feel like you helping them showcases that disparity even more. They want to live up to your expectations all on their own. Of course, many times people are not ready for our help, because they do not even know they need it. Or maybe they do but are in denial for the time being.

Help is delicate. It is like a rope being held by two people at opposing ends. If you want to help, but the other person does not grab onto the rope, you end up with the twine all by yourself. On top of that, the person that might need help has no way of following the rope to find you. The scenario is reversed when you need help, but never ask for it – you pull the rope and end up all by yourself. The point is to wiggle the cable, to pull it slightly, signaling your intentions. Once both parties are holding on with the same amount of strength, they can go on and do amazing things.

I do not recall asking for help in the last few days. Asking for help is not my strong suit, but I do not see it as anything bad. Time and time again, people would prove unreliable to me. Kids borrowing things from me and swearing they would bring it the very next day and it not happening. If I cannot trust them with a pencil, book, toy, a few cents, then how can I trust them with anything else? It was never about the objects they borrowed, but the principle of not caring enough to hold to their word. How do I trust someone that is late every single time? I choose not to.

There are times when I give people a chance, because it is not a big thing, and I feel like giving it a shot, and then find their job to be sub-par. That just strengthens my reasoning for the future – I could have done it SO much better. Now I have to either be ashamed of their product or waste time on re-doing it? No, thank you.

Even though I do not often ask for help, I do try and make it known that I am down to help whoever needs me. I tried to come up with an answer to: “Why do I want to help so much?”, but I could not really get past: “Because I do”. I never wait for reciprocity. I mean, if I ever need help and I helped you in the past, it would be nice if you were able to come through, but I know that does not always happen. I am alright with that. Maybe I just like feeling useful? Maybe it tickles my ego?

Yesterday, I was asked for help. You would think I was happy, but I was not. No questions asked I helped. Of course. However, I did so with a rather unhappy demeanor. Why? Because I did not think the ask was important enough. I thought it was silly in fact. I thought it was something that person could have done by themselves. I felt like they were burying me in the smallest of tasks. I felt insignificant. Only good for non-important things. For things that can be done by anyone. I felt dispensable.

However, as I sat down to this post, I realized that I should have not felt that way. I was asked for help, which meant I was important enough to reach out to. It occurred to me that those tasks might have seemed minuscule to me, but there were not such to the person who asked for help. I made their life easier, without inconveniencing myself. How was that a bad thing?

That taught me that there is art in asking for help, but also in the act of accepting to help.

Is it easy for you to ask for help?

How do you feel about accepting help?

Have you ever refused help?

How does it make you feel when people ask you for help?

Please feel free to share a helping story that changed your life, or helped you change someone else’s. 

Stay golden,

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42 thoughts on “HW: #TuesdayThoughts; We all need help.

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  1. I can relate to not accepting help, because nobody does it the “right” way – the way I do it. There’s also the occasion when someone wants your help or wants to help you on their terms, and you see they’re making poor choices that you don’t want to go along with … Motives complicate things, don’t they?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. If you read my last blog (“God’s Healing Balm”), you saw where that got me. But the Lord released me from feeling responsible for someone who didn’t want to make good choices, and who took her situation out on me. This was a huge step on my part, as I used to blame myself and feel guilty for not being able to help everyone.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Yes, I did.
          You gave it a go. Now the ball was in their court. Their loss. I’m sorry you had to feel their wrath, but Jesus told us to turn the other cheek.
          I, too, struggle with the knowledge that I cannot help everyone. It is not my job, though. God sends specific tools for specific people, depending on their needs.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. I am a lot like you – I help others a lot, with no expectation of reciprocity…and I rarely ask for help. When I do ask for help, it’s usually from the few people I absolutely trust. I have no problem accepting help from others who offer as long as I deem the task they are helping out on as noncritical. I definitely have trust issues, perfectionist tendencies and can even be a martyr at times.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sensitive issue you’ve got on here…

    It isn’t easy for me to ask for help except it is a mystery I can’t unravel on my own.

    If I offer help and it’s accepted, I’ll feel cool and good.

    I’ve refused help severally.

    Some demands for help leave me thrilled while some make me mad😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. When people ask me for help, my feelings are generally ones of shame. I don’t like doing things for other people: I always feel like someone else can do it better. I don’t much like asking people for help either, but I usually have to… And then I always expect them to blame me for wasting their time. So of course I swear I’m never gonna ask for help again… You know, until the next time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is a reason why they ask YOU. If someone else could do it better, then they would probably ask them instead. But they didn’t. Or maybe they just want to spend time with you. Or teach you something.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m the kind of person who rarely asks for help but always expects it. It’s barely manageable in terms of disappointment when I finally ask for help and there’s nobody there to help. Or I ask for help and the result is often different from what I’ve imagined. The other thing which barely manageable is when I try to help someone by giving my best and it’s not appreciated or what is even worse, it’s considered as something which isn’t needed. I believe we should always help from the heart and not expect anything. Only then, it makes sense.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I hardly ever ask for help, but I’m always willing to help people if they genuinely need it. I just don’t like burdening people with my problems, and I hate feeling helpless. But what I hate more is feeling dependent on people. It’s kind of like an insecurity, isn’t it?

    As in, I would never ask for help, no matter how much I need, until I’ve exhausted all other options. And even when I do ask for help, it would be from someone I know and trust.

    I have tons of reasons why I don’t like asking for help, but the major reasons are that people are too judgemental, they talk too much instead of listening to me, and they’re usually not empathetic and are therefore unqualified to help me. How can you help me when you don’t understand the situation I’m in?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can only nod to all of what you say. makes total sense to me. “I just don’t like burdening people with my problems, and I hate feeling helpless. But what I hate more is feeling dependent on people.” that just says it all. Why do you think it’s an insecurity? Isn’t not trusting untrustworthy people an insecurity, too?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I guess it is. Yeah, it definitely is. But most insecurities are for the best. One could say that most insecurities make us secure. They save us from regretting our actions later on. Untrustworthy people won’t always fail you, but knowing that there’s a high possibility that they’d fail you, I’d say it’s best not to trust them with any important task. Better safe than sorry.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You opened a Pandora’s box.To me, insecurity sounds like lack of confidence (often in one self) and that is not something I can agree with. I believe I am self-confident. There’s a reason why some people think I’m arrogant. But the second part of the definition talks about being open to danger, about not having protection. And that makes more sense to me. Defense is somehow very important to me.

          Liked by 2 people

    2. And you make a good point about helping while not understanding. That’s why I’ve refused help in the past – because they thought I needed help “A” and I really needed help “B”. Yes, there can be different types, depending on the person in need.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. In my first year as a teacher, I will never forget the teacher who was there for me, supporting me throughout the year and continues to do so. I work with a lot of teachers who seem busy all of the time, and I don’t blame them or take it personally. Also, she’s the one who happens to be right next door to me. She was the one who helped me without waiting for me to ask and every time I asked for help, who went out of her way. So I think that’s something positive about helping, helping when no one else seems to have the time or initiative to. I like how you point out the principle of keeping to your word like with returning something.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad that you appreciated the help, especially when no one else was around. I’d think that was very important. I definitely like to think that I’m that kind of helper, too – when everyone else gets tired and gives up, or doesn’t bother, I’m there.

      Liked by 1 person

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