CW: The hardened toilet paper thief.

“A private investigator, hired by the town officials, has to find the thief who steals toilet tissue rolls from public buildings.”
– a prompt for this week’s CW piece.
[Source: @DailyPrompt]

 

“Is there any extra toilet paper in your bathroom?” – my co-worker asked entering my office.

“Actually, there is” – I answered, figuring out that the public restroom down the hall ran out of TP.

Armed with a roll, she walked out and I proceeded to focus on my work, trying to dismiss the image of my female co-worker voiding her intestines forming in my head.

***

“Can I brush my teeth in your bathroom? It’s so much cleaner than in the other one” – she asked another time.

“Go for it” – I replied, standing up a little bit taller, honored to have a personal bathroom at work.

 “Thanks. I’m going back to my office” – she uttered while exiting my office after a few minutes, with a roll of toilet paper in hand.

“Is the other toilet out of toilet paper again?” – I asked out of curiosity, wondering if I had to launch a complaint with the main office.

“No, I ran out at home, and I forgot to get some the other day when I was shopping” – she replied as if it was nothing.

To save her the embarrassment, I smiled and nodded sheepishly as if I understood. She promptly left, leaving me to shake my head in disbelieve. What poor planning skills.

“It can happen to anyone” – a voice in my head said.

“Yea, what if it happened to you?” – another voice joined in.

“It wouldn’t” – I answered sternly.

“But what if you REALLY had to go and there was only one square left…”

“ENOUGH!” – I exclaimed and shooed all those thoughts away.

***

“I’m going to grab one of your toilet paper rolls” – she announced without a hint of embarrassment.

“You forgot to get it while shopping again?” – I asked a bit irritated this time around.

“Nah. I’m just overdrawn on my checking account and I only have enough money left for a pack of cigarettes and the hair appointment tomorrow. My favorite wine was on sale yesterday, so I had to get six bottles.” – she answered almost proudly.

“Do you like my nails?” – she asked extending her fingers and showcasing her fresh manicure.

Priorities…

***

Meanwhile, the company we worked for kept losing money. And they wondered why…

If the company hired a private investigator in time, maybe both of us would still have a job.

***

P.S. As always, you are more than welcome to use this prompt to inspire your post. If you decide to write something, be sure to pingback to this post, so that I can get an alert and check out your post. (A post on how to do pingbacks can be found here.) If pingbacks are not your thing, feel free to simply leave a link to your piece in the comment section below. The more, the merrier!

Stay golden,

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***

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35 thoughts on “CW: The hardened toilet paper thief.

Add yours

  1. Ugh. We have those contraptions in our office bathrooms that make it hard to remove a roll of TP. I guess that’s why. It also bugs me when women stand at the sink brushing their teeth, pumping breast milk, or literally changing outfits for the gym. Not to mention texting or yapping on phone. Geez ladies! It’s a place to do biz and wash hands! Maybe comb hair. I’m not even sure why I find it all so annoying. I just dislike people and there they are, all the time. 🙄

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ha ha reminds me of a true story from my early days as a manager in a big council firm, where l was running the catering department. Our cleaner was stealing the toilet rolls … well l didn’t know why she kept coming to me and saying we were running out of TP in the staff toilets. I ran a very busy banqeting operations and sure when we had huge functions on, we would have 100 waiting staff in and out of the toilets during the night, but we were running out when the banqueting season wasn’t in season and l had a bare minimum running purely for luncheons.

    Long story short, l caught her in the act and had to fire her, she was outraged but accepted the dismissal, but before l had to escort her from the building she said she had to quickly use the toilet – well duh me. I sat in my office and waited for her to use the toilet, and she was ageeeeeees!! After twenty five minutes she arrived back and said she was ready to go. I checked her bags before she left, and was somewhat bemused as to why she had four empty bottles of bleach in her bag?? Didn’t question it, just relieved l had found the source of the disappearing TP’s. When she left she literally said “Priorities Mr Matier, Priorities! You will come to understand that very soon!”

    After she was gone, l found myself in a predicament and had to go and use the manager’s toilet. I was sitting there and thinking, ‘Why does my bottom feel so damn hot? After a few minutes l was sweating and extremely uncomfortable, then in pain and seriously pained at that, and l was begiining to think l had some horrible bowel disorder. It was as l was straining, that l suddenly smelled the overwhelming stench of bleach!!!!”

    It was then that her last words came back to me!

    Liked by 1 person

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