HW: #TuesdayThoughts: Lies – Their effect on our lives.

My father has never tolerated lies. To him, they are a feeble attempt to discredit him and make him look stupid. He is not one to be played for a fool. Since he has never appreciated hearing lies, he himself can be brutally honest.

As a kid, I was encouraged to speak the truth. No, my parents did not try to be my “friends”, but they did want me to be able to talk to them about everything. To me, that is a bit of a cliche. Have you told your parents EVERYTHING when you were a kid? I surely did not. Most of the time, telling the truth was the way to go. They would sit me down and have a level-headed talk with me whenever something went wrong, but I owned up to it. Parents are only humans, so sometimes they make mistakes so. Every now and again, the truth was not what they wanted to hear, and so all hell would break loose.

And so I started lying. Most of the time, the fibs would come out, and the punishment was all the worse due to the lies and deceit. What did that teach me? It taught me to respect honesty, which was noble, proud, and courageous and to scorn dishonesty, as it was cowardly.

Being honest is about being able to handle the consequences. Think about it. Why did you lie to your parents? It was probably because you feared their punishment. You simply did not want to deal with their disappointment and potential anger.

We definitely are a product of those who raise us. Whenever someone lies to me, and I am aware of the fact that that person is not truthful, I feel as if they were attacking my intelligence. “Do you think I am stupid?” – comes to mind. “Did you not think I would find out?” Writing this, I wonder why exactly do lies deal such massive blows to my ego. If you know the answer and/ or would like to psychoanalyze me, you have my blessing. No, I do not subconsciously feel stupid or inferior. I know my worth. I have been called full of myself way too many times. It is not because I try to be. It is how people perceive confidence.

I do onto others what I would like done to me. More often than not, I tell the truth. It is not because I do not care about other people’s feelings. It is because I respect them enough to be upfront with them. If they cannot handle the truth, I am more than willing to help with that. Unfortunately, once they decide they are hurt, they turn around and walk away. Such a loss.

To me, truth is also something that I absolutely need to enhance my analysis. If everything is sunshine and rainbows, I am less likely to prepare for the storm behind the horizon. Sure, I try and be ready for anything, but that is very hard, if not impossible, to do. If I know the truth, no matter how bitter and dark it is, I am able to formulate a plan of attack that will allow me to survive this oncoming storm.

Lies are short-sighted. They are meant to get the liar out of trouble NOW. They are intended to make the receiver of the lie feel better NOW. Truth can be very uncomfortable to tell NOW, and it can hurt other people’s feelings NOW. Yes, here and now matters. But do you not care about the long-run?

Honest people are often labeled as selfish, calloused, and disrespectful. In my opinion, they are the opposite. People who tell the truth are brave. They do not necessarily disregard the feelings of others. It pains them knowing they might hurt you. They are dedicated to their own AND your well-being. You just have to give them a chance.

Making the decision to either tell the truth or tell a lie is not an easy one because of all the variables that can influence the outcome of the equation. Honesty is the best policy in my book. I am not perfect, and I might overreact if the truth is hurtful enough, but once I cool off, I will come to you and shake your hand. You telling me the truth shows that you respect me and that you want me to have all the information that I need to make an educated decision. My decision can be adverse to you. This is why telling the truth is not selfish. It is selfless. You are putting your faith in my hands.

Will you spread your arms and take that leap?

Stay golden,

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40 thoughts on “HW: #TuesdayThoughts: Lies – Their effect on our lives.

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      1. Strict and unforgiving. If a child who doesn’t lie will be punished constantly they’ll learn to lie to protect themselves. And be better at it than someone who never needed to lie. Their deceit will be conscious. It’s not about strict though. But unfair or abusive.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I don’t necessarily think being strict raises liars. I was strict in some things but very lax in others and I always explained WHY I decided the things I did. I think understanding reasons helps them realise some rules are for their own good.
    As they got older, rules changed and ones like never getting in a car with someone who was drinking came into effect. They knew if they called, I’d come get them, regardless of time and with no recriminations. I understood they couldn’t always dictate their friends actions but they didn’t have to be a victim of them either.
    I’m not saying they never lied, ALL kids do at some point, they also knew that being caught in a lie was a far worse punishment than owning up in the first place! There’s no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect kid though and the trick is accepting that and working with movable lines.
    As for me, I won’t lie about ‘real’ stuff. If you ask me if a dress suits you, you’ll get an honest answer. If you or a kid makes something for me, I won’t say I hate it. I’ll find things to say I appreciate about it. Deflection IS a lie but it’s one we all do. Santa, the tooth fairy… politics.. we choose our ‘truths’.
    There’s a definite hierarchy to lies. ‘Oh I’d love to come but I’m busy’ ‘If the wind changes, your face will stay like that’ ‘I don’t know how that dent got on the car’ ‘Of course I’m not having an affair’ ‘it will never happen again’
    It’s down to each of us what we choose to accept, it’s down to others to choose their boundaries. There’s no one size fits all

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Someone else commented on the topic of strict parents => liar kids. What makes you think I did? Once I saw your comment, I went and re-read my post, because I definitely did not try to say that. All I did was share my personal experience of why I started lying, but I kept on saying how I prefer honesty, etc.

      Your upbringing techniques are same as mine, and I think they are rather effective.

      Good job pointing out the different levels of lies. I guess it’s because of those boundaries that we have vs. the ones they have, we encounter miscommunication and disagreements.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. I thought so, but didn’t want to assume. Thank you for clarifying. I was getting worried that I had amnesia and didn’t remember what I wrote. Or disociative personality disorder and it was the “other me” that wrote something while I was not aware.

          Liked by 2 people

  2. I am with your father. I was raised very similarly to you, and my parents were my parents. We became friends after I grew up. But I was always taught HONESTY is the best policy. “Being honest is about being able to handle the consequences”. This sums it up very well. I am brutally honest too, but at least people know where they stand with me. If they don’t want my honesty don’t ask me the questions. I would much rather someone be brutally honest with me than to “spare my feelings” and lie to me.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. How often do parents lie to kids?
    ‘We don’t have financial issues’, when the suddenly decide not to go on vacation.
    ‘your mum and I just had a small arguement’ on the verge of seperation.

    I might have lied about that cookie, but Adults have considered me more a fool than the other way around.

    As for me and being honest, I don’t see reasons to say someone’s hair/clothing style looks bad. Like I’m such a fashion guru.
    Not many ask for my opinion so that’s good.

    But I am pretty much an open book. I don’t have secrets and only a double agenda when looking for a new job. But even that I don’t hide that much.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I see what you are trying to say. Hipocricy. Good point. I was told that not all topics are suitable for a child, and I agree. What is a kid going to do with “we’re broke” or “we might be getting a divorce”? It might mess with their well-being. But you are right – it’s lying, too.

      As a kid, I was pretty green as to the “real world”. I was shielded in a way. I wasn’t talked to about “adult topics”.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, we have to put an age to “kid”.
        I remember being 4 and not understanding why again we had to move country. My parents tried to protect me, but I prefered to know.

        Children above 12 years definitely deserve to know a bit more.

        Have you seen the movie “la vita e bella”?

        Liked by 2 people

          1. I had a buddy that found out his wife was cheating. Not only did she confess, but she also took her kids and mom out to lunch with the guy a few days later. My buddy and his wife, decided to call it quits.

            All I’m saying is…either pull up some porn and “work it out yourself”, leave the relationship or don’t ever tell anyone.

            Once infidelity is revealed, it’s never good for the person who was cheated and often leads to feelings of self doubt and depression.

            Liked by 2 people

  4. I remember some sort of occurrence when I was young(er), where I had done something, I don’t even recall what, and was torn between coming forward, or not. I distinctly remember I had recently been watching Berenstain Bears, because I was greatly influenced by an episode of that involving lying… So much so, that I wound up deciding to tell the truth. Of course, my mom was still not very happy, to put it lightly, and I wound up vowing never to tell the truth again. 😅

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I wrote an entirely long ramble that I was embarrassed to post 🙂

    A person can lie for many reasons. In general if a person lies with thought I’d have more of a problem than if they were put on the spot and didn’t have time to think it through so instinctively chose the safer option.

    Lying is usually done for a reason. Yes, it’s cowardice. I’d look at that before looking at the fact that it wasn’t true. Or try to anyways.

    Love, light and glitter

    Liked by 2 people

  6. The father of the lie is satan..and we inherited sin from Adam when he sinned. We do not need to live in that sin or partake in it. Being honest is hard in this system because of our weaknesses. But we can succeed. By not doing things that would be hurtful to others we can break the cycle. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

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Rachael Ritchey

Worlds of Fiction

from famine to feast

recovery and growth, things that interest me, occasional deep-thoughts, and semi-regular poetry

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