Have you ever met someone who came off as rude to you? Have you ever thought: “What a b!tch/an as$hole?” I certainly have. In those moments, I wondered why those people did not care about making a great first impression. Even though caring about what others think about me is not on the forefront of my thoughts, I put on my best face when I meet someone for the first time.
There usually is no bad blood when you encounter someone you have never met before. You might know something about them from others, but that is not always the case. Plus, do you not need to see for yourself to believe what others have told you about that person? I think so. To me, if there is no history between us, there is no reason for me to treat you in a bad way. Unlike some, I take a while to open up, but you can count on me being polite and attentive. At least until you give me a reason to change that.
Regardless of your ethnic background, social status, or religious views, I will treat you with kindness and respect from the moment we meet. You are a human being just like me and you deserve your dignity to be upheld. However, make no mistakes, I will change my tune the moment I sense you are not level with me. Although being nice is easy and I would truly prefer to stay in that state always and forever, I am quite skilled at being mean when need be.
Whenever I meet someone and they are not on the same page as me, meaning they appear to be less than polite and kind, I assume that they are either having a bad day or just are not good people. In order to see which category a certain individual falls into, I dive into further conversation with them and take the time to listen and observe. Often times their demeanor will change. Maybe it is because of the way I act that makes them calm down? Those who remain negative throughout my “2nd chance interview,” are dropped into the “not nice people” category and I move on.
It is said that people mistake kindness for weakness. I see that every day and it boggles my mind. In a world in which we talk about mental health, suicides, and being kind, we insist on taking advantage of people who are simply trying to make this world a better place? What is your excuse for doing that?
While I do not abuse other people’s kindness, I used to wonder why people insist on displaying it, even if in the face of adversity. After having lost someone close to me who was so kind, I see it now. The light that beamed from their actions and touched others was amazing. It is something I aspire towards.
Only recently have I learned about a new reason as to why some people come off as rude when you first meet them. Someone told me that they always walk into a situation acting as a b!tch/an as$ in order to show they are in control. That really opened my eyes. Suddenly, all the situations that flabbergasted me in the past made sense. They were not having a bad day. These people were trying to make sure that they were higher than me on the control ladder. Sometimes it worked out for them, sometimes it did not.
It is not rare that I feel like a fish out of water when interacting with others. It is like we are speaking a different language. When confronted with a rude person, I do not capitulate. I challenge them when possible. I have none of their attitude. At other times, I walk away, choosing to have nothing to do with them. So how is it that the control tactic works on others, and that being nice is abused?
The person who told me about their control tactic said that people normally fall in line when confronted with a b!tch/an as$, making it for smooth sailing. However, they said that when you are nice, you will always have people trying to disrespect you and walk all over you, which in turn starts a never-ending fight to determine who is boss.
That truly made me sad. Would I like to be in control? Yes. Do I refuse to treat others like dirt for no reason? Yes. Looks like I am at an impasse.
What is you communication style? Do you start off nicely or not, preferring to exert your control early on? What is your reasoning for that?
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