HW: #WednesdayWisdom; How to learn your lessons and remember them.

Life… Am I right? …

It is never boring for too long. Whenever the waters are calm for an extended period of time, you can be sure that a monsoon is near. Because of the stillness of the sea, the hurricane has no issues getting to you. It ice skates through the smooth sheet of water with full speed and hits you in the face, leaving you in at least two pieces. Your head hits the water several feet away from the rest of your body and then gets dragged even farther away.

I have never heard anyone say that life is easy. We might think that it is for some people (the kids, the rich, the famous), but the reality of the situation is that we are all struggling with one thing or another. Sometimes finding an answer and helping ourselves can be easy, but too often, it is not. Things get even more complicated when there are other people involved, aside from you.

You can control yourself, but calculating probabilities based on the unknown of others is a task for the mad. You cannot control their wants and desires, their thoughts and reactions, which basically sets you up for automatic failure. That, in turn, leads you to either sacrifice yourself or the other person/people.

Have you ever played those scenario games during which you are asked whether you prefer to kill men or women, adults or kids, humans or animals? In those examples, you are expected to choose one or the other. It reveals your thought patterns. Unfortunately, these scenarios are designed in such a way that someone always ends up dying. That is how I feel about life and the decisions we get to make. Who do we choose to save? Will we be able to live with that decision and those results?

On my way to work yesterday, my brain tried to think of a solution to a certain problem that has become my new obstacle. It was early in the morning (I strongly dislike mornings), I was stuck in traffic (That is always fun. Not.), and a difficult situation was on my mind (Life…). It is a miracle I got to work safely.

My brain would scream at me, trying to mute the thinking process. But, whenever I increased the radio’s volume, my thinking got louder. Yes, it was a mess and it got me angry. Stopped at a red light, I took a breath and a metaphorical step back. What would I say to someone in my situation? How would I reply to someone on WP if they presented my current problem as theirs? The answer was a bit of a surprise. The not-involved me would tell the other person that it was not their problem. I would have encouraged dialogue, but would point out the potential risks and the fact that things were not fair on them.

Easy. Problem solved, right? No… Even though I have the ability and the presence of mind to step back and assess the situation from a third-party perspective, it does not lessen the burden that I am carrying. The emotions that are involved make it hard for us to walk in a straight line. Instead, we choose to meander around as if we are lost. Maybe that is why it is easier to be a robot. You follow an algorithm and you are done.

My problem is somewhat a chronic one, but every now and again there are flareups and they have the ability to swallow you whole. So what do I do? Outwardly, I follow my third-party recommendation, but inside, my mind and body are on overdrive, trying to figure all of this out. It is because I am a problem-solver, who finds it impossible to live without some sort of closure.

As I am working through this issue, I am learning certain lessons which I had learned in the past already. Why did I not remember them? They are important! Stuff I learned in school was important, too (Well, at least some of it.), but that does not mean that I remember much of it. The reason why we do not always remember things is because we do not think we will ever need it. Or, even if we think it might come in handy, it gets buried underneath the things you have recently used.

This one person is having a tough time and I am trying to help. We talk and I offer words of wisdom taken directly from their book. It is not because I am spiteful. On the contrary, I truly believe in the things they have taught me. The problem is that now they see things in a different light and those same lessons they shared with me before are useless to them now. That made me think. Do I say things I will not believe in in the future?

All of that sparked an idea in my head. Do you know how some bloggers post “X things I have learned during my X years on this planet?” I decided to start a new tradition – I will create a notebook in which I will jot down various life lessons. (What a great excuse to get a new notebook!) I am assuming that some lessons will be short, while some might be longer. I will organize it in such a way that the lesson is visible and does not get lost in the thoughts surrounding it. I think it will help me gain a different perspective in the future when I come back to it as needed.

Do you have a Life Lessons journal?

How do you keep track of your learned lessons?

Do you think the idea of such a notebook is a good one?

Do you always follow your own recommendations?

Is it easier to give advice or live by it?

Stay golden,

SGK signature.png.

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54 thoughts on “HW: #WednesdayWisdom; How to learn your lessons and remember them.

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  1. I think writing down life lessons is a great idea. I have never done it I just mostly hope that I’ll remember what I need to from past experience. I do think it’s easier to give advice but I can always count on my sister to give me advice that I probably would have given.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. In the past, I relied on my own memory, too. But witnessing some people forget their own lessons (intended or not?) made me worried. It might be easier to tune out my brain than the written word.

      It’s great when you have someone who knows you well and is on the same wavelength.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “You can control yourself, but calculating probabilities based on the unknown of others is a task for the mad. ” Fantastic. I relate to the incongruity we find in ourselves when we confront the gap between what we know and what we do/think. It’s so frustrating that we can’t make ourselves behave at times.

    New notebooks are awesome and keeping a “life lesson” one is a fantastic idea. I read a book by Cheryl Strayed recently and she keeps a quote book, something I thought that maybe I might possibly one day do. Why do now what you can put off to tomorrow. Still, I bought the notebook on spec anyhow.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “Because of the stillness of the sea, the hurricane has no issues getting to you” – one of the wisest and deepest sentences I’ve read recently. Well, frankly speaking, I felt in my bones that something was happening in your life. That you’re struggling with something. It’s good that finally, you’ve let these feelings out and you’ve shared them here.

    What can I say? Life lessons are the easiest to share with others and the toughest to implement in our own life. Another day, I bought a new notebook to memorize my life lessons but to be very honest I don’t check on them very often. Maybe it’s because I forgot about it. You know that I’m not very consistent with new initiatives and I’m still working to improve in this matter. I’m sure it will be different in your case.

    I’m also confident that you’re going to figure out how to deal with this situation. Emotions calm down after some time and then we’re able to think more reasonably. Did that person ask you for help or you offered it proactively?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I don’t easily share things like that, but I thought it would make sense to do so for my HW post.

      Really? That’s interesting that we had the same idea to start such a notebook. I have to admit that I am carrying too many notebooks and books around with me as of late. I think the lesson notebook will remain at home somewhere where I can see it (night stand?). I’ll just scribble things down on a post it during the day and then write about it before bed. I know you like writing before you fall asleep. Maybe you could use your notebook then? Any habit takes a while to implement. And not everything will work for us. But I hope that you do give it a try.

      I was asked. But it feels like it’s an “all or nothing” request. I want to help, but not at any cost.

      Like

      1. I know and that’s why I really appreciate it whenever you share such things. It’s like a sign of trust when you open yourself. Especially if you struggle with something, don’t hesitate to let me/us know.

        In fact, I didn’t think about having my lesson notebook with me before going to sleep. It sounds good. However, the problem is that I rarely read what I’ve written down. Maybe it’s a matter of habit that I prefer to read new things. Anyway, I’ll give it a try.

        I hate “all or nothing requests”. They’re always so demanding and the receiver is rarely fully satisfied with the help being offered. So does the giver.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you for being that. It feels good to know that.

          I don’t expect to be reading it often. I think it would be something I would open on a random page and read once a year or two. It’s more long term, I think.

          Thanks for your support. Have a great weekend!

          Like

  4. Ah, the task for the mad! It’s not in calculating possibilities of people’s behaviors, it’s in changing them!
    You what I have absolutely hated for so long? Being asked for advice, having it hotly refuted, then being asked why consequences of not taking my advice have precipitated. I hate it because I’m not allowed to be upset or let the words “told you so” slip out. I extra hate having to share the consequences of not taking my advice. The only two ways out of that cycle are to avoid letting out advice or impress more confidence in the reciever of your advice.
    We all want, and we all struggle for those wants. To some degree, we choose our struggles, and we choose to either learn from them or carry them. I think often there isn’t enough respect for the struggle. Either the person doesn’t respect their own struggle or someone else involved doesn’t respect it. It can’t be insinuated that any struggle is too large or too small. It also can’t be forgotten that in a character v character struggle, the other character is also struggling with the same scenario, but likely for different reasons. Once the why of the struggle is clear, it eases the anguish and frustration over the matter. After that, your mental energy is spent more on how to overcome the struggle and less on the existence of it at all.
    You are right, it’s always one thing or another, for all of us, just about all the time. It’s silly to think it shouldn’t be!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aha! Yes, you’ve seen through what I wrote. Madness! Sometimes I curse my moral compass and ethics…

      I totally agree that people don’t respect struggle. People who are used to getting through life on other people’s backs have no idea what to do when they are all alone.

      Very wise words. I totally relate. All I have to say is One Day At A Time… I strongly believe that. Stay golden!

      Like

      1. Yes, one day at a time! See? That is one specific example I have had to humble myself to. Having felt well enough alone for most of my life, I don’t know that struggle. Some people do, and the struggle is often in the fact that they were not exposed to the kind of situations that would prepare them mentally for it. Sometimes, that can be compounded by the situation also being unfamiliar to everyone in their social circle.
        Some people really struggle with keeping the weight off because none of their friends or family eat healthy or exercise. I don’t know that struggle, but I can see how it is. You know the quitting cigarettes struggle? I know that one for sure! Separation anxiety from family? Nope, I don’t get it. Transition from active military service to civilian? Yep, I had that struggle, too. A spouse having both your baby and someone else’s while you’re deployed? Thankfully, never my struggle! All of these, though, are absolutely struggles in their own, and nobody’s struggle deserves any less respect than another.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Yup, I always preface my advice with this, “Assume Mom is always right, and let’s go from there.” If they cannot make that assumption, they don’t get the advice. “Now repeat after me. ‘I will do exactly what Mom says and will not complain of adverse consequences if I do NOT do exactly what Mom says. You know I will say or think loudly, I told you so.’ ” If they cannot say this, I will tell them I told you so before they even leave my presence. Pretty soon they quit coming to me for advice. Then when they get to that certain age, they come back and they’ve learned Mom is always right. I don’t even have to be THEIR Mom.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I wish there was someone in my life that reliably offered sound advice. Mostly I learn by observation, sometimes by experience. Can’t say I get much advice from anyone at all. When I do seek advice, it’s mostly just condolences instead.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s very easy to give advice. “Just lose 10 pounds. You’ll feel much better.” Living by what you preach is a different matter. I ask myself could I make changes in life that I’m advising someone else? If I say no, its best not to expect someone else to follow through. If I say yes, then Id feel free to advise…and offer help to make the change.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. People just LOVE to give advice.
    Making it sound so easy and meaningless.
    Things like “Just be yourself” and “Don’t take shit from anyone”.

    When I was advice to a friend whether I should accept the new job offer, he told me
    “If I were you, I would definitely consider it”.
    Wonderful.

    I once had a huge fight with a friend (and we ended up never speaking to each other again), when he constantly told me how shit life was and how many problems he had.
    Yet he never told me the exact nature of it.
    I asked him, and his answer was “Just stuff”.
    At the question if I could do something, he said “no”.
    I lost patience.

    When I give advice, I want to be practical about it and actively do something.
    But if people don’t specify what the problem is, then it sounds more like a cry for attention to me.
    BTW, this is not directed to you (!) I fully understand you don’t want to share it on the internet.

    I LOVE the notebook idea.
    I love notebooks in general.
    It will be fun to read all what you have wrote in a couple of years from now.
    Writing is a great therapy in general.

    It’s not for me however.
    I hardly ever write with pen and paper anyway.
    I don’t think I would even recognize my own handwriting.
    Weird, isn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s why I’m not a fan of “self-help books.” It all sounds so meaningless.

      Some people just need to vent. But I hear you. Constant complaining can be annoying. Especially when no actions towards solving it are being taken.

      Hahaha! Thank you for clarifying. I did feel like it was about me a little. But I do assure you that I’m not like this offline.

      I saw down the other day and wrote the first lesson and some thoughts I had on the subject. Like you, I thought about reading this 10 years from now. It sounds awesome.

      So when you write you do it on a computer? Interesting. Do you like to doodle in a traditional way more or digitally? I like typing this on the computer because it gives me the ability to save space and to share it whenever wherever. When you write on paper, it takes a lot of space and I find that my hand gets tired quickly. But I do love to “sketch” write. It’s when I write down an idea or a few lines without paying attention to the whole story, structure, etc. Handwriting is less practical, but I am more passionate about it. However, I do not do it too often. The setting needs to be perfect, too. It doesn’t make too much sense to be handwriting at home/in the office for hours, unless I am sitting by a window on a rainy day (yes, cliche). Or on the porch, looking at a lake or forest.

      Like

      1. Haha. I don’t think you’re a very open book in real life either, but I am sure you are with people close to you.

        Actually, you gave me two blog ideas right now and I am just wondering if I should write them here.
        How about I don’t and when I write them in a post, I’ll give a shout out to you.

        And right now I am also thinking that I should write these blog ideas down, because I will definitely forget about them if I don’t.

        P.S. I wrote the ideas down in a WhatsApp to myself. It actually works well because I can see that I wrote down a lot of ideas and never put them in a post.

        I have always doodled in a traditional way, but lately I doodle digitally.
        It gives a much better quality and I save so much on pen and paper.
        Your royalTea is actually something I drew by hand, so it’s only very recently that I use the digital solution.
        The equipment I use is not advanced or expensive by any means (certainly not with the logo of a certain fruit on it), but it works for now.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. You’re right. I am not an open book with everyone. But if I’m not close to someone, I will not complain about random things. There’s no point.

          HAHAHHAH! I do the same with One Note. Every now and again I go in there and see ideas that I never used and don’t like anymore.

          Like

      1. I wasn’t consistent indeed with writing journals. I had a lot when I was a student because I had plenty of time to write back then. Now that I’m working it seems I have very little time for writing, and my attention span has taken a turn for the worse that it’s hard for me to focus on something productive.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. I feel like my blog keeps track of lessons learned. I have started so many journals in my lifetime. I never read them. I have learned the act of writing something down helps me to retain the information. That’s good enough for me. I have also found I go through lessons many times, but each time another layer is peeled away and I see a little clearer. Try not to loose sight of the progress you’ve made, it’s there, I promise it is! 🙂
    I’ve had much experience in my head telling me the “right” actions to take but my emotions screaming the opposite. It’s what I call: freaking in. That lesson seems to have many many layers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I believe that it helps me remember things when I write them down, too. Hence, the journal idea.
      The progress IS there. Totally. Sometimes there’s just different circumstances and minute details that add to it.
      Freaking in. I like it.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I have an average of 3 years’ worth of notes and thoughts in each of my 5 journals, 2 of which I cannot find. Somehow, when I was writing down thoughts and lessons learned, these pages grew and grew in length. I look back on some of those and think, “How could I be so naive?” and others where I look and “Wow, did I write that? That’s amazing!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I connect the dots most times. However, I’ve seen people forget the lessons they thought themselves and it made me shudder. Hypocrisy is not something I like.

      Passing it down to future generations… I like that a lot! Thanks for the idea.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Do you have a Life Lessons journal?
    No.

    How do you keep track of your learned lessons?
    I think they become a part of me. They all have changed me in some aspect or another—helping me evolve.

    Do you think the idea of such a notebook is a good one?
    Sure.

    Do you always follow your own recommendations?
    I try to, but I’m certainly not perfect.

    Is it easier to give advice or live by it?
    Giving it, fo sho!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I read this post, and guess what I have a lessons learnt journal. I have a messy journal where I rant, then once I figure out the lesson and the learning it goes in the lesson learnt journal. And if it is a historical point it goes as one liner in a memory journal if I remember. The the messy ranting journal is shredded and recycled…lol.

    Ps I have put this post on pinterest today. Let’s see how it goes

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I am glad you like it. Let’s see how things go to end of march. I just want to thank you for being a tester, as this has provided me vital feedback and learning opportunity . If the your stats dont improve then they may in 3 months time . But, essentially, I dont think this proposal will work. But, I know what will work now.

        So I am thinking two options. 1) I create pinterest graphic for blogger that they use as their feature image. When that blog gets pinned by a reader on a personal account it may give a slight growth.
        2) provide basic training (format to be decided on.). On how to use a business pinterest account, which is free, to gain traffic. Because a business pinterest account is the only real way to drive traffic, but there is a load of stuff around it.

        I am thankful to you for giving me this learning opportunity. I have learnt so much.

        But, I still want to see you stats at end of march in case they increase.

        Speak soon and thanks

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I’m sad you are living with such a thing. I never choose answers because they are too impossible, I’d choose death myself rather than having to destroy anything or anyone. I hope the lessons you learn along the way can help you and give you clarity.
    Sending love and strength….
    Love, light and glitter

    Liked by 1 person

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