SepSceneWriMo 2022 – Day 3 – Avocado’s extra.

Heidi stepped out of her car in front of I’a at 12.35pm. She was never late, but since it was her first one-on-one date with Otto, she drove around a bit before parking so he could wait for her and not the other way around.

A man wearing flip-flops, cargo shorts, and a V-neck T-shirt pushed his sunglasses onto the top of his head and waved to Heidi.

He’s a real hottie.” Heidi smiled and waved back. Heather – Heidi’s best friend – introduced him to her a couple of nights prior when they went out as a group; a friend of a friend.

“Sorry I’m late!” Heidi rested her hand on Otto’s left shoulder, briefly touched her right cheek to his, and puckered her lips. “Muah!” she said before pulling away. “Shall we go in?”

Otto would have preferred a real kiss to this air-pretend whatever-it-was, but he didn’t say anything. “Let her think she’s in control.” Heidi was a really pretty girl – a petite brunette with desirable curves. Otto licked his lips and bit his lip. Nothing happened last time they met because they were in a group, but this time they would get some food, go to his place, and take it from there.

“After you,” he said as he opened the door to the poke restaurant.

“So you come here often?” Heidi asked, trying to make conversation as they joined the lunch-rush line. Their chat flowed last time, but it was after Heidi had a few drinks, and this time Heather wasn’t there to step in if the silence got to be uncomfortable.

“Yes! Quite so. The fish is top quality, and so are all the other ingredients. A buddy of mine works here. He will hook us up and make sure you have the most unforgettable date.” Otto winked at Heidi and then waved towards the counter to one of the guys behind it.

“‘The most unforgettable date?’ That was a bit cringe,” Heidi thought but shrugged it off – You almost had to expect a bit of cringe from someone named Otto. She chuckled out loud and had to cough to mask it.

“You OK there? You’ve had poke before, right?” he asked.

“Mhm.” Heidi pushed a lock of golden hair away from her face and smiled. She didn’t want to scare him away too quickly.

“Is it OK if I order for you?” Otto asked once they were almost at the top of the line.

Heidi wasn’t the type of person to let a man order for her, but at the same time, she was curious to see what Otto’s taste was and how much he could figure out about her.

“Whoever I bring here – friends, cousins, siblings – they all love what I get. Trust me.” Otto grabbed Heidi’s hand and looked into her eyes as he said it.

Does he bring ALL his dates here?” Heidi wondered. Normally, she would have ditched any other guy like that by now, but Heather’s voice in her head was nagging her to stay. ‘You’re too picky. You want to be alone forever?

Heidi smiled and nodded. Sometimes that was the best response.

“Pete! My man!” Otto exclaimed once they got to the register. The two exchanged a secret handshake that lasted too long for people in their 30s.

“Who’s this beautiful companion of yours, Ot?” Pete asked, flashing a smile at Heidi.

“She’s stunning. Isn’t she?” Otto introduced Heidi to Pete, and the two exchanged courteous nods. “Can I get the usual? For both of us?”

Heidi fixed her eyes on Pete to see what ingredients he’d put together for ‘the usual.’ She figured that while she could overlook some corn on the poke, she would not allow for pineapple or pomegranate to make its way onto the bowl. “Is Otto the type of guy to pay extra for avocado?

“He’s getting us the primo stuff. Best cuts of fish,” Otto whispered.

“Sorry, man. This is all we have today.” Pete pointed to the ingredient bar. It’s all really fresh. We got a new delivery this morning.”

“Pete, I can get this at every other poke shop in town. But I come here because you’ve got the good stuff.” Otto said in a scolding tone. “Go. Get. The usual,” he added through gritted teeth.

“Silly me! I forgot that we had some otoro come in, too. My bad. Let me go get it.” Pete bowed out and went out back.

At that point, Heidi was quite disgusted with Otto. That was not how she wanted her man to treat others.

Otto must have noticed the look on her face. “I just want everything to be perfect. You deserve all the best.”

Not long after that, Pete came out with two poke bowls and handed them to Otto. “On the house. Sorry for the misunderstanding.”

“It’s alright, man. I’m just trying to impress a lady and show that I can take care of her.” Otto grinned at Heidi.

She didn’t know what he was expecting, but she definitely wasn’t feeling impressed.

The two men exchanged their goodbyes, and the couple left the store.

“Follow me?” Otto asked as he turned towards his car.

“I think I left my keys in there. I’ll be right back!” Heidi couldn’t help but feel that something was off.

“I’ll check for you.” Otto pushed the food into her hands and dashed into I’a.

Heidi’s phone pinged. “Whatever you do, Sis, don’t eat it! I’ll explain at home.” Heidi’s face fell.

“They’re not there,” Otto announced, coming out of the restaurant.

“Silly me! Sor-ry! They were in my purse. Purses. Am I right?” Heidi waved her keys. “I’ll follow you,” she added before getting into her car.

Stay golden,

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38 thoughts on “SepSceneWriMo 2022 – Day 3 – Avocado’s extra.

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  1. Another good self contained scene.
    Characters come across well defined with economic detail (which is always good). The long secret handshake was a nice touch, quite telling.

    Points for style:
    You have a POV switch into Otto’s mind, when we started and ended with Heidi’s. 3rd person omniscient is OK if that’s what you were going for.
    My personal preference for internal dialog is just italics, no double quotes. The combo is disorienting.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for pointing out the defined characters. It’s something that haven’t paid much attention at one point in time and am now trying to work on it but not overdo it.

      I went back to re-read it and see what you meant. Hmm… I never really paid too much attention to POV. Sometimes I do 1st person, but usually it just feels weird and I resort to 3rd person. And since it’s me, telling the story of my characters, I just take it for granted. Something definitely for me to ponder.

      Thanks for pointing out the internal dialogue style. In the past, I just wrote it like spoken dialogue [trained in Chicago style when it comes to writing, references, and such], but many found it confusing, and I decided to switch to italics. It just feels weird to drop the double quotes. I will try to remember to be consistent on the style.


    1. One might argue that meeting someone’s friends and/or family on a first date could show them a glimpse to that person’s world. Which would mean that some people would actually be excited to go to a place where their date’s friend works. Seeing their dynamic could be quite telling. Is it worth the risk, though?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. “One might argue”? Why, Goldie, are you using one of my own favorite phrases against me? 😝

        In seriousness though, you make an excellent point. You can hardly know where a person’s lines are until those boundaries are tested. And, it’s… possible… that assuming everyone is going to try to drug you is a little bit paranoid. Possibly.

        Liked by 1 person

            1. I don’t think it was that at all! We are often self-conscious and pay attention to every little detail when it comes to ourself speaking but others don’t necessarily see it that way. Someone reminded me of that recently, and I think that’s quite right.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. I am (and was, if you’re referring to the someone I think you are) inclined to agree. But… that only applies to other people!

                I’m mostly joking. Self-deprecation was not my intention, merely self-awareness. Though, it can be hard to distinguish the difference between being mindful of your own flaws, and inventing new ones by looking too close.

                Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey, nah, not in a while. I spoke about it not long ago to a friend who was talking about my writing. I said that’s something I do from time to time. Now that the world has moved on from COVID, time to make that a thing again. Stay golden.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What I liked about this scene are the expectations of the guy, the girl, and me the reader. Heidi didn’t like Otto’s off comments or taking charge. Otto’s thoughts of Letting her think she’s in control told me, the reader the danger Heidi was really in. A text from her sister confirmed the jeopardy Heidi was in, but I don’t know how she would be able to warn her about the food…just in time. Ending the scene with her going to separate cars was a page-turner. I wanted to know what happened next. Good ending Goldie.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ROFL ‘illegal’

      What an interesting question. The short answer is – yes. However, the very few times I tried, it came out awkward and made me super aware of my lack of comfort with that. But, it is something that keeps poking out every now and again, so who knows…


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