Have you ever walked into a room and automatically your light had dimmed?
Sometimes, even when I’m in a good mood and fully charged, I still get zapped when I step among a group of people with high energy levels. They are bouncing off one another and I just end up standing there, thinking of ways to either join in or leave. Most of my usual readers consider themselves introverts, so I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Sometimes it’s just ‘too much.’
I always thought that in such situations – unfortunately – it’s the introvert who always loses. They don’t get to enjoy themselves as much and the others reinforce their beliefs about introverts not being cool enough, being standoffish, etc. It’s never the extrovert that loses in this one. Right?
Interactions with high energy people can drain me at times and make it harder for me to connect with them, but those seem to be the only drawbacks for me. However, I’ve met people who get completely frazzled when faced with someone possessing high energy levels. Those people appear scared to me. Not sure why. Maybe they are scared to lose their calm aura, or maybe they feel threatened on a subconscious level as if they were being attacked, almost.
Recently, at work, I was a witness to quite an uncomfortable situation in which it was the extrovert who was being looked down upon by a group of introverts. A new employee met with a group of seasoned workers to present to them a new process that was being put in place. Now, if you know anything about people (at work), you know that they often are weary of change, so sometimes even the best of things will be perceived as evil. Keep that in mind
So what happened?
The new person introduced themselves and then launched straight into a very brief overview of the process, praising the new model and focusing on its benefits (not really on the logistics). Funnily enough, I was only a part of that meeting because I had recently voiced my opinion about the old process being too convoluted. The presenter was SO excited to be a part of this new, revamped process and wanted to infect us with that feeling. I felt that. The concept, from the first few words, sounded exactly like something that I would want, which in turn made ME excited. This would make things more transparent and efficient. What not to like?
Well… the senior person in the group (position-wise) kept interrupting the presenter, and saying how nothing made sense and how things would just not work the way they were being described. It was hard to watch for me. The presenter’s mood shifted. From a happy, excited, hopeful one to one filled with doubt, worry, and shame. I could see tears approaching… Thankfully, they didn’t come to view. Other participants joined in with their uncertainties, too.
If it wasn’t for the fact that I felt bad for the eagerness being shattered, I would have made myself some popcorn. The meeting ended with all parties coming together and talking things over calmly, making it seem like the beginning of the meeting didn’t happen. Awkward!
How does this pertain to mental health?
This situation serves as a lesson to all, I believe – be mindful of your energy levels. If you encounter people who are bogged down by troubles and you approach them with sunshine and rainbows, you might get some pushback. This could have been an interview. Would the person get the job? Hell no. It wouldn’t have mattered that they were passionate about the job, eager to take on challenges, and happy to be in that role. They would have been dubbed as ‘too much’ and scattered.
It surprised me that introverts reacted the way they did. Since they’ve been on the other side of the stick a bunch of times, I assumed they would have had some compassion towards the ‘odd one out.’ I wonder if they were aware of the fact that they crushed someone’s spirit. Even if it was only momentary, it was a tragedy. Life is hard enough. Don’t stomp on other people’s zeal.
Could the presenter have handled the meeting differently? Absolutely. They should have come in and assessed the situation first, before doing all of the iceskating swirls. People were not prepared for the razzle-dazzle.
If you want to maintain your mental health, keep stock of your energy levels and learn to adjust them accordingly. In an ideal situation, you wouldn’t drag someone up to your levels but you also would not want to bring anyone down, either. We are all human and sometimes we just feel the way we feel. BUT – be mindful of others. Especially when it’s people you’re meeting for the first time. First impressions DO matter. (Side note: it’s interesting that no one is fighting for equality for introverts/extroverts. Are those issues not prevalent enough? I know I see quite a bit of it.)
Stay golden,
***
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One day at a time... 
Keep that energy flowing and stay golden! 🙂
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Thanks, Simon! You,, too!
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I do my best 🙂
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I’m an introvert. I don’t always love us. I feel so very bad for that presenter. I’m grateful I wasn’t there – my empathy has me wading in to fix things and that is a huge energy drain.
You could have a walk for introvert and extrovert equality, but only the extroverts would come.
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Oh the energy drain of trying to fix things… Tell me about it. It’s even worse when you actually give it a go and then have people turn on you for that… Ugh.
Ha! Good point!
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It is unfortunate how introverts can become bullies when they are surrounded by other introverts and see a weak link that is vulnerable. We’ve all been that weak link at times, yet we fail to be empathetic.
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Exactly. How can you forget how it feels to be in those shoes when you’ve walked in them so much yourself? It’s just weird. But I guess it’s a great example of how bullying begetts bullying and such.
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I don’t think most people realize how much their energy and vibration affect others around them, even when they aren’t directly interacting with them! I frequently find myself ‘translating’ between people…when one is saying one thing and the other person is hearing something completely different. My heart broke for the presenter in your tale above…and I would have probably had to try and help them see a middle ground. I’m glad they found one in the end! 💞
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Very true. I find it astounding that the big personalities are so far from self-awareness. However, I’ve been told that me sitting quiet as people talk over one another negatively affects the atmosphere. I had no idea not doing anything, not bothering people can bother people. Amazing.
Translating between people who speak the same language. It’s so sad that we need it, but beautiful that you do it.
I always stand up for a person that is being wronged. Unless in a corporate (or otherwise delicate) situations. I was conflicted whether to step in, but thought it would make an even bigger of a mess. Glad that it balanced itself out. However, I did talk to both parties afterwards and I hope that the next such meeting (if it occurs) flows much better.
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Sounds like you do the translating/mediating as well! What a blessing to those around you 💞💞💞
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Thank you. Yes, I definitely do try because I think the energy people spend on drama from misunderstandings can be redirected somewhere else.
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💞
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I work in the legal field—interactions are often contentious. I guess I view this interaction less as bullying, and more as a misstep. Regardless of a person’s excitement or passion for something, others will likely have legitimate questions or concerns. While the introverts seemingly went about it more rudely than maybe they should have, it’s not uncommon for introverts to keep their concerns to themselves, often to the detriment of the project, process, etc. Were any of the introverts’ counterpoints valid?
On the flip side, did any of you who supported the presenter speak up to show your excitement for the change?
I’m glad to hear the presentation seemed to end better than it began, and I hope the new process proves to be all it seems to be—which will be the ultimate lesson for the naysayers.
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I believe that you can disagree in a polite manner. This wasn’t due to a disagreement per see, but more of a misunderstanding and misalignment of moods. The only valid thing was that the presenter should have done a better job in structuring the speech. Unfortunately, the way it was communicated, I’m not sure if it will make a difference. It sounded like Scrouge trying to steal Christmas.
I was the only one who was on the presenter’s side. There was someone whom opinion I did not get to learn. Other two were against. I spoke to both parties separately to clarify the situation as I felt doing so on the spot would have only made things worse.
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There was only the presenter and four attendees in the room?
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Mhm
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That changes my interpretation—I didn’t realize it was such a small group.
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Oh? How so?
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Introverts are emboldened in smaller groups. Originally, I thought they were a small subsection of a larger audience and merely expressing their fear of change by asking questions and being negative. In such a small group, it definitely is more intimate/personal, so I can totally understand why you found it inappropriate and uncomfortable.
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Oh, absolutely.
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Haha this made me laugh and cringe, because the way you described it just painted this vivid picture of tragedy in my mind… Yes, I have seen that happen. And although I am an introvert, I usually find myself trying to compensate for other people’s lack of energy– so in a social setting where it seems like people want to interact but they just don’t know where to start or how to keep the conversation going, I find myself rising to the occasion to propel things forward. Which, after a while, gets exhausting!
Being in the presenter’s shoes is very difficult– especially if that person is actually more of an introvert who has simply risen to the occasion to display their energy over something, but then is rejected for both his/her ideas and his/her enthusiasm. Now there’s a difference between sales-pitchy seduction and genuine enthusiasm. The latter is much more rare, and thus should be handled more tactfully even if the audience/individual listener disagrees with the ideas themselves.
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Wow! You are so right! I’ve recently noticed the same thing in myself – connecting people during social gatherings, starting up conversations, etc. It makes me feel like a superhero of sorts. But you’re right, it does get tiring after a while.
Good point. I’ve been in those shoes, too, when I’m ‘rising to the ocassion’ only to have the wind knocked out of me. It’s really gutting then, because you should have just stayed you…
Exactly! The presenter could have reigned themselves in a bit, at least in the beginning, but the others could have asked smart questions in a polite manner instead of rapid fire questions with an attitude and comments.
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Reading the room is an important skill, especially when you are going to be the focal point of attention.
In familiar clusters introverts can be rather ruthless I guess its a sort of herd immunity against the lone wolf extroverts who move through the world as if can infect everyone with rainbows and sunshine without so much as asking if we want the sun 🤣
That said though I can also do sunshine and rainbows but it’s usually an act that can’t keep up for too long
~B
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SO true! I remember being told by some people that they are introverts after observing them in social situations. WHAT? I wanted to ask and laugh. But then I realized that I can appear an extrovert in certain situations, too.
You made me chuckle with the rainbow and sunshine bit. Yes, I’d prefer a rain cloud right about now.
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P.S. I think it’s quite cool that some people (including you) report bringing sunshine to others at times, too. We have the ability to balance things. At least for a time.
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Something you said really struck me, they should have “assessed the situation”. I think this is where things fall down, people don’t always acknowledge the mood of the room. It’s like when you’re a child… asking for something my mum or dad are frazzled, is likely going to resound in a firm no. Whereas if they are more relaxed, then you have a better chance of a yes.
Coming into a meeting with all the excitement when everyone else is not at that level can create extra “noise”. That’s what my introversion does, some days I can walk into a room of 4 people chatting and it’s fine. Other days, I can walk into a room for 2 people chatting and I feel like the “noise” in the room is overwhelming and can’t really focus.
But you are right, the idea that those people just crushed someone’s enthusiasm isn’t great. It’s hard getting along sometimes with introverts and extroverts depending on where you fall, but we can all empathise, though we don’t often do that these days it seems.
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Very true about the number of people we’re able to handle. It depends on a variety of factors.
Sometimes empathy and pause can go a long way.
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It’s quite sad when people just pop your balloon without a care in the world, without any desire to be open-minded, to try and find solutions…
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Indeed.
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An interesting article. Thank you for sharing.
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Thanks for reading, Melanie!
Are you more of an introvert or an extrovert?
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In my former job, when I had to do a presentation, I would try to partner with my friend who was an extrovert. we worked really well together, and I think we balanced each other. I do find that I can often draw energy from an extrovert although to many at once could be overwhelming for me. I wonder if it wouldn’t be even more difficult to deal with a group of extroverts who were resistant to an idea. Perhaps she was lucky they were introverts.
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Partnering with someone else who balances you out is a phenomenal idea! Kudos to you for being aware of your weak points and your friends strengths.
Heh, good point. I do agree with a group of negative extroverts might have been even more difficult. I haven’t thought of that. Lucky indeed 🙂
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