Have you ever felt excited about something, but dreaded it at the same time?
That is how I feel today. It is May – probably the busiest of months for me. I might be exaggerating because December gets to be pretty busy, too, but for the sake of today’s argument – May is it.
First of all, May is when we celebrate Mother’s Day. My mom is no longer among the living, so this time of year I wish I could just withdraw from society. There are so many children with their mothers of all ages out and about. I am happy for them. I truly am, but having to celebrate my partner’s mother just feels wrong. So as you can see, I am not looking forward to May’s celebrations already. I have to listen to platitudes about my deceased mother and at the same time act as nothing was wrong. Instead of being able to lock myself indoors and do what I would like, I have to go out and smile and do things with people who have no idea how I feel. Again, I am happy for them. I just wish I did not have to partake in that charade.
Aside from that, I have plenty of birthdays to attend do this month. How do I feel about that? Slightly better. But only slightly. Why? Well, if you do not already know, let me tell you. Birthdays usually mean good food and drinks, which I am not opposed to. In fact, those are probably my biggest motivators when it comes to going out. I close my eyes and wonder how many different types of cake I will get to taste in the coming weeks. Involuntarily, I smile. I am not a monster. Contrary to popular belief, I do not mind other people happy. In actuality, I think it is a good thing. I will be happy for them when they get special treatment for the day. I will be happy for them when they open their presents and their eyes go wide. I will. But I will most likely also hurt inside.
Just thinking about going to all those social gatherings exhausts me. Now imagine what actually going to them will do to me. Last year I had a week, or maybe even two off (due to unrelated issues) before the birthday madness started and I barely survived. The first one was tricky, but I eased into it. By the second one, I already had enough. But there were more to go to. This year, I am just coming out of being sick. It has taken a toll on my body in the sense that I just need to catch up on sleep and rest. Admittedly, I am slightly irritated, because of my sleep reserves being depleted.
Because of my rather busy schedule these past few months, plus the recovery, my social tank is pretty much empty. I spoke to you about procrastination the other day. Today, I will try to incorporate it on steroids. Even though I need more time to recharge my batteries, time is something I do not have. The moment I am out of work today, I will commence procrastination. I have a little bit of today and tomorrow before it all starts.
You might have gotten a whiney vibe from this post. This was not my intention. It is Friday, and I am definitely happy about that part. But I am also worried about my mental faculties that will be tested in the next few weeks.
If you have some extra mental fortitude, please send it over.
How do you feel about back to back social gatherings?
What do you do when you have to socialize even though you do not want to?
Have you ever procrastinated on steroids?
Any suggestions on how to do it?
Stay golden,
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One day at a time... 
Feel your pain there for sure. Life can be exhausting at times no doubt. Sorry to hear about your mom, my condolences. I understand exactly what you go through. Make sure to take care of yourself and take it one day at a time. Happy Friday friend!!!!
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One day at a time… I see what you did there.
Thank you for the support and motivation! I hope you’re having a nice weekend.
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😉 same to you.
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And a new week begins!
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Can’t you refuse to attend your partner’s Mother’s Day celebration? I know you’re being nice and courteous but Goldie has to take care of Goldie’s mental (and physical too it seems) health first.
Coincidentally, I have a birthday celebration to attend tonight. Like you, I enjoy these celebrations but the weather is not cooperating with my planned outfit for tonight so I’m less excited. Happy to see my buddy though. Haven’t seen him since my own birthday.
My favorite lines this morning – “I spoke to you about procrastination the other day. Today, I will try to incorporate it on steriods.” 😂 Brilliant!
Best of luck with everything, Goldie! Feel better.
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Well, I’m thinking of a way out. I’m hoping it just gets combined with another birthday celebration, which will temper and mute a bit. Unfortunately, I’m still relatively new to the family, so I have to watch so as not to offend anyone. Things are expected of me. On days like that I’m expected to be selfless and not make it about me, which means to hell with how I feel. In a twisted way, they think they are helping me by not having me be alone on those days. Not everyone processes things the same.
How was your party last night?
Thank you for your support and well wishes. I hope you’re having a nice weekend.
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Oooh, I get it! I understand the obligation, especially with a relatively new family.
The party last night was actually pretty great. So much fun. I got home at 4 am, and we started at 9. I can’t remember the last time I got home that late. I felt like I was 20 again. 😂😂😂
Hope your weekend is going great too. Mine sure is. Happy Sunday to you and yours, Goldie!
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4am? The last time I stayed that late was… I have no idea when. Possibly uni years.
I survived the first weekend of May. Although, I was exhausted by the end of yesterday. It was alright, though.
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I’m so sorry to hear about your mother. Stay strong, Goldie.
Like you, I’m not big on social gatherings. The last one I attended was my grandma’s burial three years ago; and before that one, I attended my uncle’s wedding back in 2012. I never wanted to attend either one of the events. I mean, yeah, I didn’t want to attend my granny’s burial because it was a painful experience. But another reason was that I hate having to meet with too many people so I try to avoid it at all costs.
If I must attend a social gathering, I’d do it, but I’d make sure to stay as far away as possible from where the crowd is. Some people might see me avoiding them and think I’m rude or proud, but that’s their problem. I’m not sorry for being me.
I like Rakkelle’s suggestion very much. Can you refuse to attend your partner’s Mother’s Day celebration? Sure, it might seem rude, but I feel like since your partner knows about your mum, she will understand why you can’t attend her mum’s celebration.
Although if you must attend, I guess you can always look for somewhere quiet, away from everyone, to catch some peace and quiet.
Wishing you good luck!
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The main problem is the clash of personalities. I can totally be an extrovert, but the setting has to be right, and the people have to be right, and so does the timing. If the people are loud and running around from the start, I feel suffocated. Like there’s no room for my energy to start. And I deflate even more. I try to stay away from the crowd, too, but then I have people coming over and asking me if I’m alright. People feel like I’m not enjoying myself and it’s their fault, or that my mood brings them down. Such selfishness. I don’t ask why they’re obnoxious. These are people that I should be close with, people whom I will be seeing on the regular, so I don’t want to cause issues, but I might have to start asserting myself in a more visible way when it comes to such gatherings.
While my partner understands, the rest of the family doesn’t, and that’s an issue. I don’t want my partner to explain why I feel the way I do. They should know.
I will definitely try and look for a quiet place! Thank you, Obi! Any major plans for this month aside from studying, sleeping and eating?
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Wow. This is even deeper than I thought, and I’m lost for the right words to say. I really hope things work out well for you, Goldie.
Oh yes, I’ve got some major plans! My blog took a terrible hit during my absence, so I’m working on recovering all that lost metrics. I want to create a blogging schedule that won’t affect my schooling so I stop coming up with excuses why I was away.
Also, I need a new phone like crazy. I’m done putting up with my current phone. It has frustrated me enough. But I don’t know… Getting a phone earlier than September might mean me getting a part-time job, and I’m not so sure I can deal with the stress. This month is the month I’ll find out if I can!
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Thank you for your support! I know there will be good times and some rough times, but I will be alright. Emerge from the sea a stronger fish.
I’m excited for your return and the schedule. It’s not easy, but it does help hold us accountable.
I hope that you find a way to get a new phone without getting a part-time job. It seems like you already have your hands full. But then again, you need to weigh the stress the phone gives you against the stress the extra assignment would give you.
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You’re very welcome, Goldie! I also hope I find a way to get a new phone without getting a job because I won’t be getting a job anymore. I got one last week, and it almost killed me! I think I’ll just keep saving from the money my parents send me for my upkeep. Little drops of water amount to an ocean, am I right?
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Saving is always a good idea. (If you have the funds to save.)
I will keep my fingers crossed!
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I can totally identify with this. I just can’t deal with too much at once, I have to pace myself. This means that I’ve had to learn to listen to my body and say no to things when I’m not feeling great (not something that I am very good at!). It’s really hard though. If I have to go along to something, I might say to myself, well, I’ll go for an hour and show my face, then I can leave. This makes it feel a lot easier to deal with. I’m sorry to hear that you have not been well, I hope that you do feel better soon but in the meantime, make sure you look after yourself.
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I do the same thing – give myself an hour to go somewhere, show my face, act semi normal and leave. However, that doesn’t always work when you don’t go solo. I feel like I will enforce it this month, though.
I hope you’re having a great weekend and the weather is getting nicer.
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That’s true, it can be difficult if you are with other people. I hope that you have managed to relax this weekend. It’s a bank holiday weekend here, so it’s been a fairly lazy one and I’m very pleased that we’ve had an extra day off!
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Ah, that’s why my friend went on a trip! Those bank holidays need to be implemented here in the US ASAP.
My Saturday was very pleasant and relaxing. Sunday took a lot out of me, but I am back to taking it easy. Even if I’m back at work and it’s a Monday. Gotta prepare for next weekend.
What are you doing today?
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I love the sentence: “I will commence procrastination.” I’m sorry for loss, Goldie! I’m sending you all the good vibes! When I don’t want to socialize, I try to look for the positive things about the situation like what you did throughout the post: being happy for others, the food, the drinks. Like sometimes at work during professional development I ask myself what can I learn today?
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“What can I learn today?” I think that’s a fantastic question. I never thought of it that way. Since I really enjoy learning, people watching and psychology, I might employ that tactic. Thing is that people will expect me to blend in. While I like to learn by observing and keeping to myself. Thank you for the suggestion!
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So do I! You’re welcome 🙂
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🤔 I know for a fact, that I do not like back to back social gatherings; I will attend one or two, but not all of them.
Now, despite the passing of your mother, I am sure that she would want you to have an enjoyable month of May.
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You’re right. I think she would. But she would also like to be remembered and honored. It wouldn’t be fair to have her get lost in the things around me.
Interesting to know that you’re not a social beast, either.
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Hm. I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum. I haven’t dealt with my mother since I was 19. I’m 52. She is a strange woman & we don’t mix. I was cared for, physically but, emotionally, she was not there. I can’t stand Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Valentine’s Day… These ‘celebrations’ only serve the industry that created them to sell s***. These are days where you are goaded into spending money for someone. Ditto Christmas. It’s all commercial nonsense.
I stopped with the Father’s Day mess & my father got his nose out of joint like I had just murdered his dog. Really? Sorry. You weren’t a parent. You were a bratty-like brother. I’m not wasting resources to celebrate your selfishness when I was growing up.
Birthdays. Everyone has one…just like navels, opinions & a$$holes. Congratulations. Sure. I will go to a party. Not passing that up. I will bring food to help out. No, you are not getting a gift. I don’t know what you need & I can’t afford to waste money on a useless trinket that will end up in the landfill, anyway.
I don’t mind gatherings as long as there aren’t too many obnoxious drunks.
Don’t EVEN get me started on funerals.
I hope you heal up, soon. I’m struggling with energy myself.
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I don’t disagree with you on the topic of commercialization. I used to dread Mother’s Day, because I refused to make reservations ahead of time, and because it was so crowded everywhere (inside and out). But my mom wasn’t high maintenance. We would go for a walk and choose a place at random, often away from the crowds. It was like any other outing with her.
Birthdays is something I’m trying to workout still. I have to say that I do like receiving gifts. Nothing big. Just a thought. Of course, it would be ideal if the gifts were actually thoughtful. But you cannot keep this up if you have a huge family. Spending tons of money every other week is just not sustainable.
I like Christmas, but probably because I don’t give into the shopping craze.
I AM curious as to what you have to say about funerals.
I ordered a pound of energy. When it arrives, I shall try and send some to you. In the meantime, run bare-feet through a meadow.
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I understand your feelings about Mother’s Day. After my mom passed away it was probably a year before I could call my mother-in-law. We didn’t live close but before that I would call her now and then and we would chat. I eventually got beyond that and am glad I did because my mother-in-law passed away about 4 years later. Since my Mom’s passing in 2011 I have seen our Mother’s Day celebrations transform. My children are all adults now and they plan celebrations around me. Sometimes it is a big celebration with all of them together and sometimes it is smaller individual celebrations depending on what each of them has going on in their lives. I can honestly say that I have no expectations other than a perhaps a phone call from them on or around that day. I do always do a little something to honor my mom though usually take a walk to see if the trilliums are in bloom – they were a favorite flower of hers and usually bloom this time of year.
I am not sure I understand the birthday party thing. We usually only have big birthday parties to celebrate milestone birthdays.
I Think I would handle them one of two ways. If I don’t feel the need to celebrate this person on their birthday I would simply say “I’m not gonna make it to your party” (“we” if it includes your partner). I don’t think I need to give a reason. If the person is someone that you would like to celebrate for their birthday but the social event is too much I would say “I am not gonna make it to your party but when can I take you out for lunch, coffee, shopping or what ever.”
I hope you get feeling better and your May goes better than you expect.
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I’m happy to hear that you don’t have some insane expectations regarding the celebration of Mother’s Day. Mothers should be celebrated every day. It’s a cliche, but true.
Interesting that you mention walking as part of celebrating your mother. I like to do the same. Being out in the open, in nature, makes it easier to connect with her. Doesn’t it? It’s like both of you are taking a stroll.
I like your suggestion regarding the outing at a different time. I will have to keep this in mind. I always feel like I need to give a reason. Maybe because I expect such from others? I managed to see my partner’s mother on Sunday and wish her all the best, but I skipped the family dinner, etc. Even though I had people trying to crash my 1 person party to “cheer me up”, I think it went better than expected.
I think I’m over the hump. I won’t be shaken now. Thank you for your advice, support and well-wishes.
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