Have you ever felt excited about something, but dreaded it at the same time?
That is how I feel today. It is May – probably the busiest of months for me. I might be exaggerating because December gets to be pretty busy, too, but for the sake of today’s argument – May is it.
First of all, May is when we celebrate Mother’s Day. My mom is no longer among the living, so this time of year I wish I could just withdraw from society. There are so many children with their mothers of all ages out and about. I am happy for them. I truly am, but having to celebrate my partner’s mother just feels wrong. So as you can see, I am not looking forward to May’s celebrations already. I have to listen to platitudes about my deceased mother and at the same time act as nothing was wrong. Instead of being able to lock myself indoors and do what I would like, I have to go out and smile and do things with people who have no idea how I feel. Again, I am happy for them. I just wish I did not have to partake in that charade.
Aside from that, I have plenty of birthdays to attend do this month. How do I feel about that? Slightly better. But only slightly. Why? Well, if you do not already know, let me tell you. Birthdays usually mean good food and drinks, which I am not opposed to. In fact, those are probably my biggest motivators when it comes to going out. I close my eyes and wonder how many different types of cake I will get to taste in the coming weeks. Involuntarily, I smile. I am not a monster. Contrary to popular belief, I do not mind other people happy. In actuality, I think it is a good thing. I will be happy for them when they get special treatment for the day. I will be happy for them when they open their presents and their eyes go wide. I will. But I will most likely also hurt inside.
Just thinking about going to all those social gatherings exhausts me. Now imagine what actually going to them will do to me. Last year I had a week, or maybe even two off (due to unrelated issues) before the birthday madness started and I barely survived. The first one was tricky, but I eased into it. By the second one, I already had enough. But there were more to go to. This year, I am just coming out of being sick. It has taken a toll on my body in the sense that I just need to catch up on sleep and rest. Admittedly, I am slightly irritated, because of my sleep reserves being depleted.
Because of my rather busy schedule these past few months, plus the recovery, my social tank is pretty much empty. I spoke to you about procrastination the other day. Today, I will try to incorporate it on steroids. Even though I need more time to recharge my batteries, time is something I do not have. The moment I am out of work today, I will commence procrastination. I have a little bit of today and tomorrow before it all starts.
You might have gotten a whiney vibe from this post. This was not my intention. It is Friday, and I am definitely happy about that part. But I am also worried about my mental faculties that will be tested in the next few weeks.
If you have some extra mental fortitude, please send it over.
How do you feel about back to back social gatherings?
What do you do when you have to socialize even though you do not want to?
Have you ever procrastinated on steroids?
Any suggestions on how to do it?
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