NROP: Do not wait until tomorrow. Get divorced today!

Welcome to my first post of 2020. I hope that your holiday season was filled with joy, love, and laughter. Mine definitely was. By now, most of you (if not all) are back to reality. For those of you who are in at work for the first time today, I hope that your positive attitude carries over for as long as possible. I have already been disillusioned. But it is nothing surprising. People never fail to live up to your negative expectations. This is not to vent or complain. I am acknowledging a fact and am moving on.

I am treating January as a transitionary month. December was a special kind of month, and I need some time to re-balance everything once more. I know that is why some people planned in November and had resolutions ready by the end of last year, but if I was to do that, it would detract from what I was trying to do in December. So, I will take this month to figure out a loose plan for the rest of the year. It will mostly involve widely understood writing. That IS something I want to put more structured thoughts into. 

Whatever you do, just remember to stay golden!

***

I am not sure what the Universe is trying to tell me, but I have recently encountered an increased number of articles and videos on the topic of divorce. They are on the topic of why people split, how they act during that challenging process, and how they over being single again. It seems that our society glorifies divorces. Is it all because single people do not want to feel alone? Do we all need to be single and miserable to make them feel better? When I was single, I definitely did not envy couples in relationships. They were just other people, people outside of the world of me. I was happy being single. However, if I wanted something, it was up to me to get it, instead of trying to take it away from others that already did have it. But maybe I am overthinking things… Or am I?

Before we get divorced, we first need to meet “the one.” If you are single, I hope you did not waste your time yesterday and put yourself “out there” on the various dating platforms. Apparently, Sunday was “Dating Sunday.What is that? Statistics whos that the first Sunday of January is when dating apps see the most traffic. In 2017, Tinder reported 44 million matches on Dating Sunday. Last year, Coffee Meets Bagel witnessed more than 1 million messages being exchanged between people who matched.

Why is that? The Christmas/New Year’s season is to blame. First of all, many couples are unable to make it through the often stressful time of Holidays. Chances are that if you were single before the Holidays, you pressed pause on romance during the busy season of End-of-Year. Once all the dust of presents, food, and family settles, people are ready to face the relationship world again. Moreover, you have those that decided that this year they were finally going to meet the love of their lives. On top of that, you have people who are trying to do everything they can so as not to be alone for Valentine’s Day. After all, that is the first holiday after New Year’s that society thinks you should not spend alone.

All of that contributes to the traffic on dating sites/apps. If you were not able to take advantage of Dating Sunday, do not worry. While the first Sunday of January sees the most traffic, it is the whole month that witnesses an increase in numbers of people “looking for love.” Remember New Year’s resolutions? It is not just you who is trying to find your soulmate. Many other people are, too.

While some people are trying whatever they can to find “someone,” others are trying to get rid of that someone who is no longer all that special to them. Today, January 6th is known as “Divorce Day.” Why? It is because it seems that divorce lawyers see the most traffic in their offices on the first working Monday of the year. Google also gets the highest amount of inquiries regarding divorce on that day.

But why? Some people, for some misguided reason, like to give their partner one last Christmas/holiday season together. I do not know about you, but to me, it sounds very conceited. If you know you do not want to be with me, just pull the plug. Do not try to hide behind the mask of being merciful. Couples with kids often feel like they should play the ideal family for them just one more time for the Holidays before it all goes down the drain. If you are trying to be financially smart, you might also want to wait with filing for divorce until the new year to take advantage of tax breaks.

If you are not a psychopath and are not planning on blindsiding your spouse after a lovely Christmas/New Year’s celebration, you might be searching for a divorce lawyer in January because the holiday season was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. The holidays are stressful. Add a spouse that is less than ideal, and you have a divorce cocktail. Plus, remember the resolutions? “New Year, New Me?” Out with the spouse, in with the dating apps.

Have you heard of “January blues” and “Blue Monday?” The cold and dark weather is still playing with our moods. On top of that, we are now broke after having spent a ton of money on gifts, dinners, and outfits. If you were pondering divorce before, this is bound to help you tip the scale.

If you were not able to present divorce papers to your spouse today, do not worry. You have until the end of the month to contribute to the statistics, as January is the divorce month. If you are getting divorced and have some money to toss around, you might want to consider hiring a “divorce concierge.” What does such a person do? Anything and everything. They will help you look for an apartment. They will be your confidant. They will explain banking 101. It might be a dream job for some of you to become a divorce concierge. Hang out with someone and teach them more about life and get paid. How much do they get paid? $300 and hour of face to face coaching. Sounds tempting to me.

There definitely are cheaper options. If you want to read more about divorce concierges, take a look at this article.

I noticed a trend for low-key weddings. People do not like spending tens of thousands of dollars on wedding parties anymore. However, more and more people are throwing divorce parties. Why are we downplaying the beginning of a marriage and celebrating the end of a union?

Did you take part in “Dating Sunday?”

Is “finding someone” a part of your New Year’s resolutions?

If you are divorced, did you pull the plug in the month of January?

Would you consider having a divorce party?

How are you feeling today/ in the new year?

Stay golden,

SGK signature.png.

***

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54 thoughts on “NROP: Do not wait until tomorrow. Get divorced today!

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  1. Isn’t it sad? They’re hoping to find the “one” and then end up with the wrong “one.” I think the emphasis is on the word “the” instead of “one.” See what I mean? If you find “the” one and it doesn’t work out, have you failed in life? How depressing is that?! If you find one that you say to yourself, I can make it work with that one with a little tweak here and a little tweak there. Well, you’re in for a surprise if they’re saying the same thing about you. I married my best friend and I can count on one hand how many arguments I’ve had with him. It felt so awful! Yes, there are things about him I would change, but it’s not up to me. There are things about me he would change, but it’s not up to him either. We could never divorce and remarry…it would take too much effort to train a new spouse!

    We can get in each other’s heads. I can finish his thoughts and he can finish mine. We drove to Texas (22 hours in the car!) and for a good 16 hours, we didn’t talk. The silence was soothing. When we do talk, it’s about things that matter. We can live without each other, but we wouldn’t want to. We’ve been married for over 40 years now.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Totally!
      That’s very true.
      Wow. That’s not many arguments at all. I applaud you.

      “We can live without each other, but we wouldn’t want to.” Beautifully said. Those are exactly my thoughts regarding my relationship.

      CongratZ and to many more. Stay golden!

      Like

    1. That’s pretty neat.
      I’ve realized that a while back that whatever I am going through, there is at least one person who has gone through/ is going through/ will be going through something similar. With us all being human, we are not THAT unique.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I missed “dating Sunday” and I’m grateful. I have been relationship-free since I left treatment five years ago, by choice. I made very bad relationship choices, picking the dark and the damaged, thinking I’d maybe fix them and thus myself. I let abuse happen. I ignored boundaries. And, on a fundamental level, I’m a little scared of men. I’m working on it but until that changes, I will stay alone. But the January rush is a thing. I worked in family law for quite a few years and saw it every year. The push through one last holiday and they are done.

    I am as I am. Challenging times coming so mostly focusing on the now. But, I really like the idea of January being a transition month. I think it’s clever and logical. I look forward to hearing about your plan.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Divorce Concierge sounds like a more specialized version of my other favorite completely unnecessary job: Life Coach. I always wanted to hawk myself as a Life Coach, maybe put up a website with all sorts of fake testimonials from alleged clients whose lives I changed, etc. Then, if someone decided to hire me on that basis, I’d just show up at their home or place of work and intermittently shout, “Inhale! Exhale!” into their ears because I take things very literally and therefore, what I just described is an extremely accurate job description.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Who actually invented the concept of marriage?
    Being married measures actual love or commitment. Or?
    But it does cost quite a bit of money. Not to mention the stress of reaching everyone’s expectations and looking in pictures.

    I guess divorce can be even more expensive.
    And isn’t it so that the woman benefits more (financially) of the divorce?

    All in all, I am not sure if marriage is for me. But I would like to be asked.
    I can stay engaged forever 😀
    Also I am not really willing to give up my name. My surname is so much better than Jasper’s one 😉

    I have my fair share experience with dating apps.
    I guess it was more about filling up the loneliness and I always like to get to know a person.
    But in the end, out of all of those conversations I only ever went on a date 3 times.
    And they were pretty unsuccessful

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Well, marriage in the past was different than in the present. There were a lot of things that marriage made possible back then.

      I agree with you that marriage does not always mean love and commitment. It’s so sad. There’s always money to be made, and it’s appalling how businesses will charge you an arm and a leg for everything. I have plenty of family members who do not talk to each other because of issues with wedding receptions. Someone wasn’t able to attend their kid’s wedding, so they got mad. Someone didn’t give enough money as a gift, they got mad. Etc…

      Divorces are peculiar. It depends if you have a prenup or not. It depends who’s “at fault.” It depends if you had kids. The “best” part is when you get divorced, but still remain liable for your ex-spouse’s debt.

      I recently heard that the record engagement is around 80 years. Let me know when you beat that.

      The last name debacle… Men aren’t always happy to let women keep their names.

      I’m glad you survived your dates.

      Like

  5. Weird that I was low key mentioned the Monday blues but then maybe not so seeing that we had a conversation on January being the Monday of that month ha!
    Hmmmm is it a surprise then the month after January is the month of love almost as if to affirm all the love that made it past the trouble
    ~B

    Liked by 2 people

  6. From a number of secrets I’ve seen on Post Secret over the years, there seems to be a lot of people who “get through Christmas for the kids” and then divorce or leave their partner in January. So I wonder if January is the divorce time because of that.

    I’m glad I don’t have to do “dating”. I never did it when I was single and would not, even if I ever separated from my partner.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I didn’t know January had such an odd statistic, though when you lay everything out like that, it makes sense. I don’t think any time is a good time to do it. And if things are that bad, waiting doesn’t do anyone any good.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Good one.
      I once wrote a post about people marrying themselves, walls, and towers (no joke). To me, it smells a little desperate and a cry for help. A divorce party is along the same lines, for me. Love yourself. Celebrate life. But it would be more believable if you didn’t do something “weird” like that.

      Like

  8. Very interesting article. Perhaps the weird thing is that we are still getting married at all. What purpose does it actually serve? I ask this seriously, I’ve been married twice and divorced twice. I now have a lovely 20 year relationship with no piece of paper granted by a government official and yet people who know us still know we love each other. Just my two cents.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The purpose… there’s multiple. The first that comes to mind is tradition and religious belief. Aside from that, it is definitely easier to access money when your spouse dies vs. when your “partner” dies (+more legalities). If the marriage is good, there’s plenty more, including safety.
      But I do understand your point of view.
      Best of luck to you and your love.
      Stay golden!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I do think I’ve found the “divine perspective” on this one:

    “Some folks think that ‘love’ means emotion, so it comes and goes their whole lives through.
    Some folks never know that when the magic goes, if you keep on lovin’ it’ll come back to you.
    I was so afraid we’d lose the special feelings, and someday we’d find our love wasn’t true,
    But then God opened up my eyes and made me realize
    love is not what you feel, it’s what you do.”
    (from my “Anniversary Song” c 1987)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is SO true. To some people, love is the initial attraction, the infatuation, the butterflies in their stomachs. Routine can kill all that if you’re not careful. It is up to you to take care of the plant of love.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Belated happy new year. Interesting post. I am not too sure what my thoughts are. Life is difficult whether you are single or married. I don’t any one should get married out of any desperate state. Like I said I haven’t thought about this topic much

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Did you take part in “Dating Sunday?”
    Nope.

    Is “finding someone” a part of your New Year’s resolutions?
    Nope.

    If you are divorced, did you pull the plug in the month of January?
    Nope.

    Would you throw a divorce party?
    Not personally, but I’ve had friends end bad marriages and throw a divorce party—it made sense for them. I’d be devastated to divorce my current hubs…nothing celebratory about it.

    How are you feeling today/ in the new year?
    Still getting over the flu, but mentally strong. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Great post as always! It’s sad that people wait until January to divorce and pretend throughout Christmas and holidays’ time that everything is all right just for the sake of family or children. I don’t know what I would do being in such a situation, but as of now, I believe that I wouldn’t wait if I knew it had to end up. I don’t think giving ourself a chance for the period of Christmas changes much. If something is over, it’s over. If we’re meant to be together again, then it might happen even if we’re divorced.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Have you ever heard of couple that get divorced and then get remarried? I haven’t encountered any in person, but I’ve heard stories. Sounds so bizarre that it took divorce for people to realize they wanted to be their best selves with each other. Does that mean that they jumped to conclusions too quickly or were they wrong to walk into the same river again?

      Like

      1. To be very honest I’ve never met yet personally any married couple who divorced and remarried again. But I’ve met plenty of couples who broke up and came back together. However, I believe that such a scenario may happen. Sometimes, people need to feel a tangible loss in order to understand how much do they value for themselves. What about walking into the same river again? I was used to thinking that it’s harmful and pointless because people don’t change so easily, but I’ve met a few couples who walked into the same river again and are, hopefully happily, married.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Just goes to prove that we and our circumstances are different and we cannot measure our success or failure by the success of failure of others.
          People beat themselves up for walking back into the same relationship. They have family and friends telling them they are stupid. Sometimes the family is right, sometimes they are not. There’s no golden rule.

          Like

          1. That’s true. I was usually against walking back into the same relationship, but I know that when it comes to feelings nothing is evident. It’s easy to judge what’s stupid and what’s not, but at the end of the day, it’s you who carries a burden of the decision made.

            Liked by 1 person

  13. Wow. I’m not sure I know what to say. Haven’t really had any experience in the world or romance or marriage. But these are really interesting statistics for the month of January. And it kind of makes sense that January will be the month with the highest dating/divorce search inquiries, for all the reasons you mentioned.

    Finding someone isn’t on my list of resolutions for this year, and I’m content. I feel like going into something as serious as a relationship will present so many dramas. And the last thing I need in my life right now is unnecessary drama.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I got divorced after 20 years and 4 kids. Did not pull the plug in January. I never knew there was a dating Sunday. A divorce party sounds strange to me, but if it makes the party thrower feel liberated in some way, good for them. Maybe it feels good to rebel against society and the way life is “supposed” to be? I imagine it’s something one might reflect on years later and think “I can’t believe I threw a divorce party.” No matter how you slice it, divorce is difficult. I see plenty of positive and negative from my own experience. To each their own.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. That sounds like a long time and a lot of… I don’t wanna say baggage, but am not sure how else to word it. Life experiences?

      To me, it sounds like those parties are mostly for show. But, if, like you said, they can help someone, then go for it.

      Like with anything else – there’s always some good and some bad.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Quite insane. I guess people find it more rewarding to exit a “toxic” relationship than to celebrate a beautiful reunion. Then again, I do think weddings can get HELLLLAA expensive today. But with people leaning towards believing marriage is an archaic institution, that it isn’t necessary to be in love with someone or to “legitimatize” the relationship, there indeed will be more of those “divorce parties” than “marriages”…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am all for being happy, finding oneself, etc. But do prisoners throw a party when they get out of jail? Maybe. I don’t know any to ask. (You might know…) But I’ve never heard of a “Got out of jail” party. I think the best way to celebrate for a divorced person would be to go on living a happy and fullfilling life.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. A divorce party to me seems to be a way of saying you won, or take that. Nah, I would simply cut the cord, run as fast as I can in the opposite direction and party like it’s 1999 for a month and when the dust settles, just go back to enjoying being me again.

    Liked by 1 person

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